Word Crimes Lyrics - Mandatory Fun - Weird Al Yankovic

Everybody shut up, WOO! 

Everyone listen up! 

Hey, hey, hey 

Hey, hey, hey 

Hey, hey, hey 

If you can't write in the proper way 

If you don't know how to conjugate 

Maybe you flunked that class 

And maybe now you find 

That people mock you online 

Okay, now here's the deal 

I'll try to educate ya 

Gonna familiarize 

You with the nomenclature 

You'll learn the definitions 

Of nouns and prepositions 

Literacy's your mission 

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And that's why I think it's a good time 

To learn some grammar 

Now, did I stammer 

Work on that grammar 

You should know when 

It's "less" or it's "fewer" 

Like people who were 

Never raised in a sewer 

I hate these word crimes 

Like I could care less 

That means you do care 

At least a little 

Don't be a moron 

You'd better slow down 

And use the right pronoun 

Show the world you're no clown 

Photos 

Say you got a "It" 

Followed by apostrophe, "s" 

Now what does that mean? 

You would not use "it's" in this case 

As a possessive 

It's a contraction 

What's a contraction? 

Well, it's the shortening of a word, or a group of words 

By the omission of a sound or letter 

Okay, now here's some notes 

Syntax you're always mangling 

No X in "Espresso" 

Your participle's danglin' 

But I don't want your drama 

If you really wanna 

Leave out that Oxford comma 

Just keep in mind that 

"be", "see", "are", "you" 

Are words, not letters 

Get it together 

Use your spellchecker 

You should never 

Write words using numbers 

Unless you're seven 

Or your name is Prince 

I hate these word crimes 

You really need a 

Full-time proofreader 

You dumb mouthbreather 

Well, you should hire 

Some cunning linguist 

To help you distinguish 

What is proper English 

One thing I ask of you 

Time to learn your homophones is past due 

Learn to diagram a sentence too 

Always say to whom 

Don't ever say to who 

And listen up when I tell you this 

I hope you never use quotation marks for emphasis 

You finished second grade 

I hope you can tell 

If you're doing good or doing well 

Figure out the difference 

Irony is not coincidence 

And, I thought that you'd gotten it through your skull 

What's figurative and what's literal 

Oh but, just now, you said 

You "literally couldn't get out of bed" 

That really makes me want to literally 

Smack a crowbar upside your stupid head 

I read your e-mail 

It's quite apparent 

Your grammar's errant 

You're incoherent 

Saw your blog post 

It's really fantastic 

That was sarcastic (Oh, psych!) 

'Cause you write like a spastic 

I hate these Word Crimes 

Your prose is dopey 

Think you should only 

Write in emoji 

Oh, you're a lost cause 

Go back to preschool 

Get out of the gene pool 

Try your best to not drool 

Never mind, I give up 

Really now, I give up 

Hey, hey, hey 

Hey, hey, hey 

Go Away!