Jackson Park Express Lyrics - Mandatory Fun - Weird Al Yankovic

Tuesday morning, 8: 15 

I was riding to work on the 

Jackson Park Express 

Seemed like any other day 

Then my whole world changed 

In a way I never could have guessed 

Cause she walked in 

Took the seat right across the aisle 

I knew we had a special connection 

The second I saw her smile 

She smiled as if to say 

"Hello, Haven't seen you on this bus before" 

I gave her a look that said 

"Huh, Life is funny, you never know what's in store 

By the way, your hair is beautiful 

I bet it smells like raisins" 

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She looked at me in a way that asked 

"Did you have a nose job or something? 

I'm only asking, cause your nose looks slightly better 

Than the rest of your face" 

I arched my eyebrow, ever so slightly 

Which was my way of asking 

"Do you want my old Hewlett-Packard printer? 

It still works, Kinda 

And I got a bunch of ink cartridges left" 

Then, she let out a long sigh 

Which, I took to mean, "Uh" 

"Mama, What is that deodorant you're wearing? 

It's intoxicating 

Why don't we drive out to the country sometime? 

And collect deer ticks in a zip-lock baggie", Oh yeah 

Photos 

I gave her a penetrating stare 

Which could only mean 

"You are my answer, my answer to everything 

Which is why, I'll probably do very poorly 

On the written part of my driver's test" 

Yes, It all happened 

On the Jackson Park Express 

On the Jackson Park Express 

On the Jackson Park Express 

On the Jackson Park Express 

I knew she was starting to fall for me 

Cause she crinkled her nose, which unmistakably meant 

"Baby, lets wear each other's clothes 

And speak in a Victorian accent 

And, maybe someday we can own and operate 

Our own mobile pet-grooming service" 

I couldn't hold back my feelings 

I gave her a look, that said 

"I would make any sacrifice for your love 

Goat, chicken, whatever 

I could never hold you close enough 

Let's have our bodies surgically grafted together 

Oh, surgically grafted together" 

She picked up her newspaper, and started reading to herself 

Which I'm sure, was a way of telling me 

"When you're cold, I will warm you 

When you're shivering, I will hold you 

When your nauseous, I will give you Pepto-Bismol every hour 

For as long as the symptoms persist" 

Oh, I, I never, ever want to see you cry 

So, please let me cauterize your tear ducts with an arc welder 

Then, I glanced down, at her shirt, for a second 

In a way that clearly implied 

"I like your boobs" 

I cleared my throat quietly, and then, I looked away 

And I'm sure it was obvious to her, just what I was trying to say 

I was trying to say, "Hey 

I'd like to make a wall-sized mural out of all the dead skin cells 

That you slough off while you sleep at night" 

Whoa-o-Oh, "I'd like to rip you wide open 

And french-kiss every single one of your internal organs 

Oh, I'd like to remove all your skin, and wear your skin, over my own skin 

But not in a creepy way" 

Then, I'm pretty sure, she looked at me, out of the corner of her good eye 

And, though, she never spoke a word, this is exactly what I heard 

She was saying, "Oh! 

I wanna make out with you, in an abandoned toll-booth, in the middle of a monsoon 

I wanna ride dolphins with you, in the moonlight 

Until the staff at Sea World kicks us out 

I want you inside me, oh, like a tapeworm" 

I pointed to the side of my mouth, as a way of indicating 

"Hey, I think you got something on the side of your mouth" 

She licked the corner of her lips, as if to say 

"Here?", I nodded, implying, "Yeah, you got it" 

And, then the bus stopped, at 53rd Street, and she got up suddenly 

"Where are you going?", pleaded my eyes, "Baby, don't you do this to me 

Think of the beautiful children we could have someday 

We could school them at home, Raise them up the right way 

And protect them from the evils of the world 

Like Trigonometry and Prime Numbers, oh no 

Baby, please don't go" 

She brushed my leg, as she left the bus 

I'm sure that was her way of saying 

"I'm sorry this just isn't working out 

You're suffocating me 

I need some space to find out what life's all about 

So, goodbye forever, my love" 

And deep inside, I knew she was right 

It was time for us both to move on 

And though, I never got her number, oh no no 

She never bothered to leave her address, oh 

But, as long as I live, I'll never forget 

Those precious moments we shared together 

On the Jackson Park Express 

On the Jackson Park Express 

On the Jackson Park Express 

On the Jackson Park Express 

On the Jackson Park Express 

On the Jackson Park Express 

On the Jackson Park Express 

On the Jackson Park Express