1/2 Lyrics - Singles - Cledus T. Judd

Hey, everybody welcome out tonight 

Hope you're having a good time out there 

Don't forget about your waitresses and a coming up next 

We got Sheena on the main stage 

Athena on the disco and don't forget we got 

Those recliner dancers in the back 

Stick around and get those dollar bills out guys 

And tip tip tip 

Take it off, baby 

Well, here's how this whole mess got started 

Had a stripper at a bachelor party 

I knew when she jumped out of that cake 

We were meant to be 

The next date we both flew off to Vegas 

I must have been an ignoramus 

I honestly believed that she 

Loved me just for me 

Oh, wasn't six months later it came to an end 

I walked out of the courtroom crying 

She left with a grin 

'Cause she got half and I said, "Ow" 

I mean dang that comes to nearly 

Fifty thou per date 

My butt had never been so chafed 

'Cause she got half 

I wondered if I'd remain lonely 

Or would I find my one and only 

Then the answer to my prayers 

Appeared on my TV 

(Call me now) 

The cutest little tarot card reader 

I knew that I just had to meet her 

Then she said it was in the cards 

For her to marry me 

Oh, wasn't three months later I was in court again 

No way she could have predicted 

The way that it would end 

'Cause I got half and she said, "Ow" 

Two dollars a minute, so everyone call right now 

Your future awaits and I will be the next Bill Gates 

'Cause I get half 

Sometimes you're better off as friends 

'Cause if it ever ends then they get half 

And you'll say, "Ow" 

So I'm not looking to get married right now 

I've got a date 

With a beautiful Playboy Playmate 

Who won't get half 

No, she won't get half