Jerry Springer Lyrics - Running With Scissors - Weird Al Yankovic

It's been one week since we got to see 

Cheatin' lovers and cousins that marry 

Five days since they had the show 

With the hermaphrodite, the slut and the crack ho 

Three days since we heard the tale 

About the guy who learned his woman was a she-male 

Yesterday it occurred to me 

That I've been watchin' a bit too much Jerry Springer 

Holy cow, did you see it last week? 

Well, they had this one freak 

Who suckered punched his whole family 

Do you recall when the brawl became a total free-for-all 

And Jerry's in the middle tryin' to be the referee 

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Hey, see the stripper with the implants 

She likes to lap dance and date the boyfriend of her mother 

Now here comes Jerry's next guest and it's a slugfest 

'Cause it's her trailer trash brother 

Nymphomaniac is back on crack 

It's like 'When Animals Attack' 

They all exhibit reprehensible behavior 

Hit 'em in the nose, tear off their clothes 

Step on their toes, that's how it goes 

They get so violent they have to sign a waiver 

They're always swearin', cursin', kickin' butt and pointin' blame 

On the air they don't care, they've got no shame 

There was one guy who I'm sure felt a little strange 

When he found out that his wife had a sex change 

They have a tendency to scream and yell constantly 

They have a history of ripping off their shirts 

Photos 

It's been one week since they had the fight 

With the Siamese twins and the transvestite 

Five days since that awful brawl 

They still haven't got the blood off the wall 

It's been three days since the bitter feud 

Between the KKK and that gay Jewish black dude 

Yesterday, finally dawned on me 

I'm spendin' way too much time on that Jerry Springer 

Baby, I've been sleepin' with your sister 

Oh, which one? 

All of 'em 

Oh, well, I've been sleepin' with your best friend Jake 

Yeah, well, well me too 

Oh! 

And I've sleepin' with your dog Woofie 

Woofie, you bitch! 

Well, I'm also sleepin' with your pet goat 

That goat doesn't love you 

Once you start watchin', there's just no stoppin' 

Your brain shuts down, then your IQ's droppin' 

Jerry's the king of confrontation, he's a sensation 

He puts the 'sin' in syndication 

It's totally worthless, like a bad check, it's like a train wreck 

Don't wanna stare but you can't look away 

Like Sally Jesse he does talk shows but with more weirdos 

The ratings jumpin' higher everyday 

If you've seen the show, well, then you know 

It's just as low as you can go 

The guests are tacky and they're lacking in their hygiene 

And pretty soon some ugly goon 

Comes in the room and then it's 'boom' 

In the face of some unsuspecting drag queen 

Well, it's the kind of show where people scream obscenities 

Yankin' hair, throwin' chairs at their hubbies 

"Jerry, Jerry", now the crowd starts their favorite chant 

Should I turn off my TV? I just can't 

I have a tendency to watch it religiously 

I have a history of taping each one 

It's been one week since the show about 

Psycho killers with problems they should work out 

Five days since the big surprise, when 

Some loser's wife said that she's still dating twenty guys 

Three days since he interviewed a bunch of psychic 

Porn star midgets who were all nude 

Yesterday, it occurred to me 

That I've been watchin' a bit too much Jerry Springer 

Tired of wastin' my time on that Jerry Springer 

I've got way too much class to watch Jerry Springer 

Come over here and pull on my finger