Down To The Old Pub Instead Lyrics - Singles - Stephen Lynch

Lad, it's your duty to find ye a lass 

With child-bearing hips and a pink, supple ass 

And make her your wife and love her with love so true 

Now some rivers run high, some rivers run low 

When her river runs red, then she's starting her flow 

And it's called menstr'ation, and here's what it means to you 

You will notice her bloomers are spotty at first 

Stand back - her ovarian dam's gonna burst 

Son, don't be afraid, it's a natural t'ing 

Just wad up some cotton and hand her some string 

Put the old linens on top of the bed 

Get out of the house and go down to the old pub instead 

She'll retain her water, her breasts will be tender 

And every third word that you say will offend her 

Get out of the house and go down to the old pub instead 

And she'll want to make love - if you do, you're a fool 

'Cause you'll only end up with a bloody O'Toole 

Get out of the house - down to the old pub instead 

And she'll want you to sample the fruit of her loins 

But son, it'll taste like some old rusty coins 

So turn off the light, boy, and take off your hat 

And drop to your knees, say a prayer to Saint Pat 

Then he'll give you the strength to get out of the bed 

And for Ireland's sake, go down to the old pub instead