Once Upon A Time Lyrics - You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 1 - Frank Zappa

Frank zappa (lead guitar, vocals) 

Mark volman (vocals) 

Howard kaylan (vocals) 

Jim pons (bass, vocals) 

Don preston (keyboards, electronics) 

Ian underwood (keyboards, alto saxophone) 

Aynsley dunbar (drums) 

Once upon a time 

Way back a long time ago, 

When the universe consisted of nothing more elaborate than 

Mark bolman 

Oh, thank you frank 

And don't misspell it, 

That's not marc bolan 

That's mark volman 

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Hiya friends 

I wanna welcome each and everyone of you 

I wanna say to you tonight 

I feel great 

I mean, I feel great 

Everywhere I go people are always comin' up to me 

And they say mark, mark, mark 

Mark are you kiddin' 

Lemme tell you this friends: 

I am not kiddin' 

I mean, I am portly and I am maroon 

Well, how many people here tonight can guess what I am? 

Aaaah 

I can't guess what you are 

Well, then I'll give you some clues 

And the first clue is 

I am portly 

Does that help? 

Photos 

Not much 

No, I don't know who you are 

Okay, I got one 

Clue number two: 

I am double knit 

Does that help? 

No, not much 

Whaddya mean? 

Well, then I've to give you one more clue 

I know this is gonna give it away 

And I hate like damn to tell you this 

But clue number three: 

Ich bin maroon! 

Ahhhhhhhh you're a sofa! 

Once upon a time 

Way back a long time ago, 

When the universe consisted of nothing more elaborate than 

Mark volman ... 

Thank you, frank 

... trying to convince each and every member 

Of this extremely hip audience here tonight, 

That he was nothing more, nothing less 

Than a fat maroon sofa, 

Suspended in the midst of a great emptiness 

A light shined down from heaven (* twinkling sounds *) 

And there he was ladies and gentleman, the good lord 

And he took, he took a look at the sofa, 

And he said to himself 

"quite an attractive sofa" 

"this sofa could be commercial" 

With a few more margaritas and the right company 

However, I digress 

"what this sofa needs" said the big 'g' 

"is a bit of flooring underneath of it" 

And so in order to make this construction project possible, 

He summoned the assistance of the celestial corp of engineers, 

And, by means of a cute little song in the german language 

(which is the way he talks whenever it's heavy business) 

The good lord went something like this: 

(take it away jim pons!) 

Gib zu mir etwas fussbodenbelag 

Unter diesen fetten fliessenden sofa 

Everybody! 

Gib zu mir etwas fussbodenbelag 

Unter diesen fetten fliessenden sofa 

And of course ladies and gentlemen that means: 

"give unto me a bit of flooring under this fat floating sofa" 

And sure enough boards of oak appeared throughout the emptiness 

As far as vision permits, 

Stretching all the way from belfast to bogner regis 

And the lord put aside his huge cigar 

And proceeded to deliver unto the charming maroonish sofa 

The bulk of his message 

With the assistance of a small electric clarinet 

And it went something like this... 

Take it away jim pons! 

Gib zu mir etwas fussbodenbelag 

Unter diesen fetten fliessenden sofa 

Everybody! 

Gib zu mir etwas fussbodenbelag 

Unter diesen fetten fliessenden sofa 

And of course ladies and gentlemen, that means: 

Give unto me a bit of flooring under this fat floating sofa 

And sure enough boards of oak appeared throughout the emptiness as far as vision permits, stretching all the way from belfast to bagner regious and the lord put aside his huge cigar and proceeded to deliver unto the charming maroonish sofa the bulk of his message with the assistance of a small electric clarinet and he went something like... this: