Cold Blooded Christmas Lyrics - Singles - Jon Lajoie

It was late at night on Christmas eve 

I was dreaming of the soft white snow 

I was awoken by a noise near the Christmas tree 

What it was i did not know 

It was Santa clause he was bringing me some gifts 

Unfortunately i did not know that 

So i quietly snuck up behind him 

And i shot him five times in the back 

It went pow pow pow pow pow 

He said "what the xxxx ow ow ow" 

Then i shot him three more times in the head 

Pieces of his brain flew out and he was dead 

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That's when i noticed his blood-soaked beard 

And his red suit filled with bullet holes 

I said "oh my god i killed Santa clause 

I'm not going to jail for this asshole" 

So i went to my shed and i got my saw 

And i started to choppipty chop chop 

I started with his arms then his legs then his head 

And then the torso was a really long job 

And the blood went spurt spurt spurt 

It was really hard work work work 

It was hard cutting through his spine 

I must have vomited sixteen times 

I burnt all the pieces in my fireplace 

The smell of burning human flesh filled my nose 

Eleven hours later there was nothing left 

And that's when i heard my telephone 

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It was auntie jean looking for uncle bob 

She said "he left the house dressed as Santa clause 

But he didn't come home last night 

Have you seen him god i hope he's alright"