If I Had... Lyrics - Slim Shady Lp - Eminem

"Life" by Marshall Mathers 

What is life? 

Life is like a big obstacle 

Put in front of your optical to slow you down 

And every time you think you've gotten past it 

It's gonna come back around and tackle you to the damn ground 

What are friends? 

Friends are people that you think are your friends 

But they're really your enemies with secret identities and disguises to hide their true colors 

So just when you think you're close enough to be brothers they wanna come back and cut your throat when you ain't looking 

What is money? 

Money is what makes a man act funny 

Money is the root of all evil 

Money'll make them same friends come back around swearing that they was always down 

What is life? 

I'm tired of life 

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I'm tired of backstabbing ass snakes with friendly grins 

I'm tired of committing so many sins 

Tired of always giving in when this bottle of Henny wins 

Tired of never having any ends 

Tired of having skinny friends hooked on crack and Mini Thins 

I'm tired of this DJ playing your shit when he spins 

Tired of not having a deal 

Tired of having to deal with the bullshit without grabbing the steel 

Tired of drowning in my sorrow 

Tired of having to borrow a dollar for gas to start my Monte Carlo 

I'm tired of motherfuckers spraying shit and dartin' off 

I'm tired of jobs startin' off at $5.50 an hour 

Then this boss wonders why I'm smartin' off 

I'm tired of being fired every time I fart and cough 

Tired of having to work as a gas station clerk for this jerk breathing down my neck, driving me berserk 

I'm tired of using plastic silverware 

Tired of working at Builder's Square 

Tired of not being a millionaire 

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But if I had a million dollars 

I'd buy a damn brewery and turn the planet into alcoholics 

If I had a magic wand 

I'd make the world suck my dick without a condom on while I'm on the john 

If I had a million bucks 

It wouldn't be enough because I'd still be out robbing armored trucks 

If I had one wish 

I would ask for a big enough ass for the whole world to kiss 

I'm tired of being white trash, broke and always poor 

Tired of taking pop bottles back to the party store 

I'm tired of not having a phone 

Tired of not having a home to have one in if I did have one on 

Tired of not driving a BM 

Tired of not working at GM 

Tired of wanting to be him 

Tired of not sleeping without a Tylenol PM 

Tired of not performing in a packed coliseum 

Tired of not being on tour 

Tired of fucking the same blonde whore after work in the back of a Contour 

I'm tired of faking knots with a stack of ones 

Having a lack of funds and resorting back to guns 

Tired of being stared at 

Tired of wearing the same damn Nike Air hat 

Tired of stepping in clubs, wearing the same pair of Lugz 

Tired of people saying they're tired of hearing me rap about drugs 

Tired of other rappers who ain't bringing half the skill as me 

Sayin' they wasn't feeling me on "Nobody's As Ill As Me" 

And I'm tired of radio stations telling fibs 

Tired of JLB saying "Where Hip-Hop lives" 

But if I had a million dollars 

I'd buy a damn brewery and turn the planet into alcoholics 

If I had a magic wand 

I'd make the world suck my dick without a condom on while I'm on the john 

If I had a million bucks 

It wouldn't be enough because I'd still be out robbing armored trucks 

If I had one wish 

I would ask for a big enough ass for the whole world to kiss 

Y'know what I'm saying? 

I'm tired of all of this bullshit 

Telling me to be positive 

How am I 'posed to be positive when I don't see shit positive? 

Y'know what I'm saying? 

I rap about shit around me, shit I see 

Y'know what I'm saying? 

And right now I'm tired of everything 

Tired of all this player-hating that's going on in my own city 

Can't get no airplay 

Y'know what I'm saying? 

But hey, it's cool though 

Y'know what I'm saying? 

I'm just fed up 

That's my word