Three Point One Four Lyrics - Hooray For Boobies - Bloodhound Gang

My last girlfriend didn't like me, thought she might be 

Most likely a dyke, she just didn't excite me 

Lefty, yeah, but that was alright 

She was hotter than the sun but she just wasn't that bright 

My mistake she was more flaky than a leper colony 

I think a wooden clothespin would have been much better company 

Ass like a donkey actin' funky gave her 'L', now she's a flunky 

So my love for her died quicker than a batch of sea monkeys 

Early bird gets the worm, spread your legs or spread the word 

So what if I'm not the smartest peanut in the turd 

I'm white which goes with everything but I can come in any color 

And I'm looking for the kind of girl that reminds me of my mother 

But it's hard to find a girl with a viper tattooed on her tushy 

And how many girls do you know that can play the harmonica 

With their pussies like 'em easy and hot and sweet 

Like a Rice Krispie Treat gee, you know what I really want in a girl, me 

I need to find a new vagina 

Any kind of new vagina 

It's hard to rhyme a word like vagina 

Calvin Klein kind of North Carolina 

Women are like dog, do hear me through, don't interrupt 

It's just the older that they are the easier they get to pick up 

I'd fill the generation gap, clean the cobwebs from her rafters 

Old hens would rather put out than be put out to the pasture 

No age just ain't a gauge, I like my girls like my cheese 

Preferably for me fat-free American singles only 

I want my next chick anorexic, the winner is the thinner 

Won't have to take her skinny ass out to a fancy dinner 

Like Sizzler she got a beef, we'll chew the fat 

If I forget to put the seat up I can put up with her crap 

Let her lash out and crack the whip but not in bed I don't play rough 

No, I can't be tied down with a girl that wants me tied up 

Just independent like NOFX, smart like Janeane Garafolo 

She'd use big words to make fun of me so that I would never know 

Bestow upon me all her wisdom of the Dewey Decimal System gee 

You know what I really want in a girl, me 

I need to find a new vagina 

Any kind of new vagina 

It's hard to rhyme a word like vagina 

Kevin Kline kind of South Carolina 

Vagina, vagina 

Vagina, vagina 

Vagina, vagina 

Vagina, vagina