Snippets Lyrics - Singles - Adam Kay & Suman Biswas

I can't tie my laces 

I don't play the flute 

My car is an automatic 

I can't paint my nails 

I never applaud 

I'm not very good at Twister 

And when my laptop crashes 

I can't even press control-alt-delete 

Cos I've got one hand 

Hello can I speak to an emergency physician? 

I have here a patient in a terrible condition 

He's vomiting up blood and he'll soon need a mortician 

Haematemesis 

Bleurgh 

Look at your skin, look at its off-white hue, 

Look at your eyeballs too, 

They've gone all yellow 

You came to me, you thought you had the flu. 

I knew that wasn't true. 

You wouldn't be yellow 

We took some blood off you 

That's just a thing we do 

To folks who turn yellow 

You're yellow like the desert in damascus is 

You're yellow cos your liver has metastases 

Do you know you're really f**cked you know 

You're really f**ked you know 

I would jog and I'd start rowing, 

Every day you'd see me going to the park and to the gym 

I'd go drinking in the pub and every evening I'd go clubbing 

If I only had some limbs 

I would learn to play the trumpet 

Cos just sitting on my stump it tends to make my life quite grim 

I'm content but I'd be more so if I wasn't just a torso 

If I only had some limbs 

Oh I just sit and cry, a quadruple amputee 

I just hang around all day and watch TV 

But that's the life of quadrapleg-ics 

I'd play cards and I'd play scrabble, 

Not just spend my days imagining a life where I had shins 

Cos I've never had a date, hell I can't even masturbate 

Oh if I only had some limbs 

How can you just walk away from here? 

How rude can a doctor be? 

You're the orthopaedic registrar and we've been here since 3 

You're the only one that we've been waiting for 

So take a look at my nan 

I think she's got a broken hip 

We found her in the bathroom on the floor 

You know I think she must have slipped 

Take a look at my nan 

The casualty doctor stated 

One leg is shorter than the other 

And it's externally rotated 

Well take a look at my nan 

Don't you know how long we've waited? 

And if you can't fix her, then DNR 

And can we have her cremated? 

I'm pushing 83 and the trust are telling me to retire 

I never take a history or consent 

My post-op survival rate should be higher 

In fact it's only 6 per cent 

We work at Denmark Hill for the terminally ill patients 

But they're relatively well when they arrive 

Cos I invent my own operations 

And I'm the only one who leaves theatre alive 

We're consultants, we're consultants at King's 

We're consultants at King's 

Do you feel any better? 

Or do you feel the same? 

We've done your operation now 

And you've just yourself to blame 

Now you've got 1 lung, 1 eye, 

1 knee below your 1 thigh 

We've removed your left hand side 

And you're all right now 

I get in the way 

I don't know what to do or say 

But I go in night and day 

Vainly hoping someone will teach me 

They say not today 

Practice taking blood, okay 

Me on take (Me on take) 

Me on take (Me on take) 

Me on take 

Take me home