Good Ship Venus Lyrics - Singles - Wainwright Loudon

We sailed upon the good ship Venus 

By Christ you should have seen us 

The figurehead was a whore in bed 

The mast an upright penis 

The captain's name was Lugger 

By Christ he was a bugger 

He wasn't fit to shovel shit 

From one ship to another 

And the second mate was Andy 

By Christ he had a dandy 

Till they crushed his cock on a jagged rock 

For cumming in the brandy 

The third mate's name was Morgan 

By God he was a gorgon 

From half past eight he played till late 

Upon the captain's organ 

The captain's wife was Mabel 

And by God was she able 

The crew, those shits, nailed her tits 

Right to the mess room table 

The captain's daughter Charlotte 

Was born and bred a harlot 

Her thighs at night were lily white 

By morning they were scarlet 

The cabin boy was Kipper 

By Christ he was a nipper 

He stuffed his ass with broken glass 

And circumcised the skipper 

The captain's lovely daughter 

Liked swimming in the water 

Delighted squeals came when some eels 

Found her sexual quarters 

The cook his name was Freeman 

And he was a dirty demon 

And he fed the crew on menstrual stew 

And hymens fried in semen 

And the ship's dog was called Rover 

And we turned the poor thing over 

And ground and ground that faithful hound 

From Teneriff to Dover 

When we reached our station 

Through skillful navigation 

The ship got sunk in a wave of spunk 

From too much fornication 

On the good ship Venus 

By Christ you should have seen us 

The figurehead was a whore in bed 

Sucking a dead man's penis