If I Was The King Lyrics - All You Can Eat - Steel Panther

If I was the King 

I would get myself a bitchin' crown 

And I'd make all the bitches call me Sir Michael Starr 

I'd have a castle and a bitchin' throne 

And at night I'd go in the town 

In a big stretch Hummer with a hot tub and a bar 

If I was the King 

I would outlaw clothes for chicks 

So you could see if the shaved their pussies 

Or if they were hiding dicks 

I'd lower the drinking age 

So little kids could get drunk too 

And I'd make it a fucking crime to wear a wedding ring 

If I was the King 

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That'd be fuckin' nice right? 

I'd knock down all the schools 

And put up licquor stores 

And give free boobjobs to the strippers and the whores 

I would outlaw common sense 

Feed the homeless to the wolves 

And if you didn't like Steel Panther you'd go to jail! 

If I was the King 

I'd make beer the official food 

And you'd never have to take the trash out 

If you happen to be born a dude 

You could buy hand grenades at Starbucks 

And take a shit right on the street 

And I'd kill Katy Perry so I wouldn't have to hear her sing 

If I was the King 

Her comes the court jester man! 

And if the motherfucking peasents didn't like it 

I would tell them all to suck my dick 

Suck my dick 

Suck my dick 

Legalize masturbation 

At every strip joint in the nation 

And the minimum cup size would have to be a double D 

Oh yeah 

But if you were in a band 

You wouldn't have to use your hand 

There'd be mandatory blowjobs for guys like you and me! 

If I was the King 

Megan Fox would be my Queen 

But I'd still fuck Christie Brinkley 

And any girl older than 16 

I'd execute One Direction 

And drop a nuke on the Middle East 

But I'd take the oil first so we wouldn't have to feel the sting 

If I was the King 

If I was the King 

If I was the King