Criminal Lyrics - The Marshall Mathers Lp - Eminem

A lot of people ask me 

Stupid fuckin' questions 

A lot of people think that 

What I say on record 

Or what I talk about on a record 

That I actually do in real life 

Or that I believe in it 

Or if I say that, I wanna kill somebody, that 

I'm actually gonna do it 

Or that I believe in it 

Well, shit 

If you believe that, then I'll kill you 

You know why? 

'Cause I'm a criminal! 

Criminal! 

You're goddamn right 

I'm a criminal! 

Yeah, I'm a criminal! 

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My words are like a dagger with a jagged edge 

That'll stab you in the head 

Whether you're a fag or lez 

Or the homosex, hermaph or a trans-a-vest 

Pants or dress, hate fags? 

The answer's "yes" 

Homophobic? 

Nah, you're just heterophobic 

Starin at my jeans, watchin' my genitals bulgin' 

That's my motherfuckin' balls, you'd better let go of 'em 

They belong in my scrotum, you'll never get hold of 'em 

"Hey, it's me, Versace" 

"Whoops, somebody shot me!" 

"And I was just checkin' the mail" 

"Get it? Checkin' the male?" 

How many records you're expectin' to sell 

After your second LP sends you directly to jail? 

C'mon! Relax Guy, I like gay men 

Right, Ken? Give me an amen 

"Ayyy, men!" 

Please Lord, this boy needs Jesus 

Heal this child, help us destroy these demons 

Oh and please send me a brand new car and a prostitute while my wife's sick in the hospital 

Preacher, preacher, fifth grade teacher 

You can't reach me, my mom can't neither 

You can't teach me a goddamn thing 'cause 

I watch TV and Comcast cable 

And you ain't able to stop these thoughts 

You can't stop me from toppin' these charts 

And you can't stop me from droppin' each March 

With a brand new CD for these fuckin' retards 

And to think, it's just lil ol' me 

Mr. Don't-Give-a-Fuck still won't leave 

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I'm a criminal! 

'Cause every time I write a rhyme, these people think it's a crime to tell 'em what's on my mind 

I guess I'm a criminal! 

But I don't gotta say a word, I just flip 'em the bird and keep goin' 

I don't take shit from no one 

I'm a criminal! 

'Cause every time I write a rhyme, these people think it's a crime to tell 'em what's on my mind 

I guess I'm a criminal! 

But I don't gotta say a word, I just flip 'em the bird and keep goin' 

I don't take shit from no one 

The mother did drugs, hard liquor, cigarettes and speed 

The baby came out, disfigured ligaments, indeed 

It was a seed who would grow up just as crazy as she 

Don't dare make fun of that baby 'cause that baby was me 

I'm a criminal! 

An animal caged who turned crazed 

But how the fuck you supposed to grow up when you weren't raised? 

So as I got older and I got a lot taller 

My dick shrunk smaller, but my balls got larger 

I drink more liquor to fuck you up quicker than you'd wanna fuck me up for saying the word ____ 

My morals went "pffft" when the president got oral sex in his Oval Office on top of his desk off of his own employee 

Now, don't ignore me, you won't avoid me 

You can't miss me, I'm white, blonde-haired and my nose is pointy 

I'm the bad guy who makes fun of people that die in plane crashes and laughs as long as it ain't happened to him 

Slim Shady, I'm as crazy as Eminem and Kim combined 

"The maniac's in" 

Replacing the doctor 'cause Dre couldn't make it today 

He's a little under the weather, so I'm taking his place 

Oh, that's Dre with an AK to his face 

Don't make me kill him too and spray his brains all over the place 

I told you, Dre, you should've kept that thang put away 

I guess that'll teach you not to let me play with it, eh? 

Criminal! 

(Alright, look, just go up in that motherfucker) 

(Get the motherfucking money and get the fuck up outta there) 

Alright 

(I'll be right here waitin' on you) 

Alright 

(Yo, Em!) 

What!? 

(Don't kill nobody this time!) 

Alright... goddamn, this fucker gets on my fuckin' nerves... 

(Hi!) 

How you doin'? 

(How can I help you?) 

Yeah, I need to make a withdrawal 

Put the fuckin' money in the bag, bitch, and I won't kill you 

(What?) 

(Oh my God, don't kill me!) 

I'm not gonna kill you, bitch! Quit fuckin' around... 

(Don't kill me, just please don't kill me!) 

I said I'm not gonna fucking kill you... 

(Don't kill me...) 

Hurry the fuck up! 

Thank you! 

Windows tinted on my ride when I drive in it 

So when I rob a bank, run out and just dive in it, so I'll be disguised in it 

And if anybody identifies the guy in it, I hide for five minutes 

Come back, shoot the eyewitness 

Fire at the private eye hired to pry in my business 

Die bitches, bastards, brats, pets 

This puppy's lucky I didn't blast his ass yet 

If I ever gave a fuck, I'd shave my nuts 

Tuck my dick in between my legs and cluck 

You motherfuckin' chickens ain't brave enough to say the stuff I say, so just tape it shut 

Shit, half the shit I say, I just make it up 

To make you mad, so kiss my white naked ass 

And if it's not a rapper that I make it as 

I'mma be a fucking rapist in a Jason mask 

I'm a criminal! 

'Cause every time I write a rhyme, these people think it's a crime to tell 'em what's on my mind 

I guess I'm a criminal! 

But I don't gotta say a word, I just flip 'em the bird and keep goin' 

I don't take shit from no one 

I'm a criminal! 

'Cause every time I write a rhyme, these people think it's a crime to tell 'em what's on my mind 

I guess I'm a criminal! 

But I don't gotta say a word, I just flip 'em the bird and keep goin' 

I don't take shit from no one 

I'm a criminal! 

'Cause every time I write a rhyme, these people think it's a crime to tell 'em what's on my mind 

I guess I'm a criminal! 

But I don't gotta say a word, I just flip 'em the bird and keep goin' 

I don't take shit from no one 

I'm a criminal! 

'Cause every time I write a rhyme, these people think it's a crime to tell 'em what's on my mind 

I guess I'm a criminal! 

But I don't gotta say a word, I just flip 'em the bird and keep goin' 

I don't take shit from no one 

I'm a criminal!