Rehab Lyrics - No Cure For Cancer - Dennis Leary

We did it all 

We did it all 

We did whatever we could 

Get our hands on back in the seventies 

We did fucking handfuls of mushrooms, pills, ludes, coke 

Whatever it was, we just fucking swallowed it, okay? 

That's what we did, people go 

"Well why didn't you go into rehab?" 

We didn't have rehab back in the seventies 

Back in the seventies rehab meant you'd stop doing coke 

But you kept smoking pot and drinking 

For a couple more weeks, you know? 

"Yeah, give me a case of Budweiser and an ounce 

I gotta slow down, Jesus Christ, I'm outta control 

Look at the size of my pants, for Christ's sake 

Because that's the big thing now 

Rehab is the big fucking secret now, isn't it, huh? yeah 

You can do whatever you want 

Just go into rehab and solve your problems 

Isn't that the big celebrity thing? 

That's what I'm gonna do 

Yeah, I'm gonna get famous 

Then when my career starts to flag 

I'm gonna go into three months fucking bender, okay? 

Coke, and fucking pot, and smack, and fucking booze 

And drive over people, and beat up my kids 

Go into therapy, go into rehab, come outta rehab 

Be on the cover of People Magazine 

"Sorry! I fucked up!", That's what they do, man 

They go into rehab and they come out 

And they blame everybody except themselves 

They blame their parents, right? That's the way 

Everybody comes from a dysfunctional family 

All of the sudden, huh? 

Rosanne Barr comes from a dysfunctional family? 

Not Rosanne, she seems so normal to me 

The Jacksons were dysfunctional? 

Not the Jacksons 

These people give each other new heads 

For Christmas for Christ's sake 

I am sick and tired of hearing 

That fucking speech, you know? 

These people come out of rehab 

They always have the same story 

"Well you know, I became an alcoholic 

Because my parents didn't love me enough 

And then I became a junkie 

Because my parents didn't love me enough 

And I went into hypnosis and therapy 

And I found out that parents used to hit me 

"Hey! My parents used to beat the living shit out of me, okay? 

And looking back on it, I'm glad they did 

And I'm looking forward to beating the shit out of my kids, aren't you"? 

For no reason whatsoever 

"What'd you hit me for?" 

"Shutup and get out there and mow the lawn for Christ's sake" 

There's therapy for ya 

Mowing the lawn and crying at the same time 

"The Leary kids in therapy again 

Their lawn looks great, it's unbelieveable" 

God, "I'm just not happy, I'm just not happy" 

I'm just not happy because 

My life didn't turn out the way 

I thought it would 

"Hey! Join the fucking club, okay" 

I thought I was going to be 

The starting center fielder for 

The Boston Red Socks 

Life sucks, get a fucking helmet, allright? 

"I'm not happy, I'm not happy" 

Nobody's happy, okay? 

Happiness comes in small doses folks 

It's a cigarette, or a chocolate cookie, or a five second orgasm 

That's it, okay! You cum, you eat the cookie 

You smoke the butt, you go to sleep 

You get up in the morning and go to fucking work, okay? 

That is it, end of fucking list 

"I'm just not happy" 

Shut the fuck up, allright? 

That's the name of my new book 

"Shut the Fuck Up, by Doctor Denis Leary 

A revolutionary new form of therapy" 

I'm gonna have my patients come in. "Doctor, I" 

"Shut the fuck up, next" 

"I don't feel so" 

"Shut the fuck up, next" 

"He made me feel so much better about myself, you know? 

He just told me to shut the fuck up 

And nobody had ever told me that before 

I feel so much better now" 

Whining fucking maggots 

And all these people quitting 

I think it's a good thing, AA 

And the recovery and rehab 

Because I've got some friends who'd be dead 

Without those programs, but you know something 

Now we've got a new problem 

Because now they quit drinking and drugs 

They're completely stressed out 

And they decide to work out, which is fine 

I'm not a workout guy, but I understood Nautilus 

It made sense, there were arm machines and leg machines 

But have you seen these people 

Who are using the stair-master? 

Have we turned into gerbils ladies and gentlemen? 

People are paying money to go into a health club 

And walk up invisible steps 

Over and over again for an hour and a half 

"Where are you going?" "I'm going up and I paid for it too 

I can stay here as long as I want" 

Folks, you wanna go up and down stairs 

Move into a fifth floor walk up on the lower east side, okay? 

What's next? A fucking chair master? 

"I sit down. I get up, I sit down 

I get up, I sit dow, I get up" 

The door master 

"I open the door, I close" 

What the fuck?