The Lonesome Kicker Lyrics - What's Your Name? - Adam Sandler

What's your name? 

Me, I'm the lonesome kicker 

Extra points, field goals at your service 

One might think it comes with glory 

You might think different after you listen to my story 

My helmet is equipped with a tiny face mask 

What it possibly could protect, I do not know 

The other guys on the team 

Like to make fun of my little shoulder pads 

And also like to hide the special shoe 

I need to kick in the snow 

People think it's so easy 

To kick a field goal from the 30 yard line 

They forget to add seven yards for the snap 

And 10 more 'cause the goal posts are pushed way back 

In 1974, the uprights were right on the goal line 

But some of the players were running into them and getting hurt 

So screw the kicker 

Who cares about the kicker? 

But I kick that ball and I pray it goes straight 

If it does coach says, "Good job, number 8" 

He doesn't even know my name is 

Andre Kristacovitchlalinski, Jr 

But that's the life I live the lonesome kicker 

Kickoffs can be so very scary 

Especially, if the returner breaks on through 

And I'm the only guy on the playing field left to tackle him 

I don't want to get hurt so I pretend to tie my shoe 

Once again, I'm ignored by my teammates and all my coaches 

"Go back where you came from!" scream 70,000 fans 

Well, I know I could win their love back 

By catching a winning touch-down 

But, unfortunately, I was born with these very small hands 

And I hope that the cameras don't come in too close 

'Cause they might see the tears in my eyes 

As I sit on this bench made of cold-hearted wood 

And the splinters go deep in my thighs 

And the towel boy snickers as he walks by, the lonesome kicker 

Another blocked kick 

And everybody blames me 

But it was the left guard 

Who didn't pick up his man 

Oh, why can't they see 

In my home country 

I could have been a minor league soccer player 

But I came to America seeking fortune and seeking fame 

I didn't realize that if I shanked one and blew the point spread 

Some drunk guys would push me into their hibachi after the game 

So I go home at night 'cause I never get invited 

To go drinking with the other guys 

And I sit in my chair, and I soak my foot 

As I eat a plate of cold French fries 

And my wife's out with her quote-unquote friend 

And my son can't look me in the eyes 

But that's the life I live, the lonesome kicker 

Kicking for you 

They took my snow shoe 

They're going for two