The Goat Song Lyrics - What's Your Name? - Adam Sandler

I am a simple goat, I live on the back of a pick-up truck 

The old man tied me here with a 3-foot rope 

Am I happy he don't give a fuck 

Hey goat, I'm gonna beat your head in with a hickory stick 

Sometimes he uses his fists 

He's filled with anger, and filled with rage 

And tells me I smell like piss 

His drink, Jimmy Bean, his chaser, a bear 

After that, various alcohols 

That's when the beatings get so severe 

Asleep I pray he falls 

But don't feel sorry for me 

Things weren't always this bad 

Why, when I was a young talking goat 

The old man was just like my dad 

I come from the hills of Europe 

That's where I met the old man 

He was lost in the woods, I gave him directions 

He gave me a tuna can 

Then he stopped in his tracks and he said, "Hey goat 

Would you like to live with me? 

I've got a house with a pick-up truck 

In a place across the sea" 

I said, "Sure, why not, I've got no family 

You seem like a nice guy" 

So we went off to America 

The home of the apple pie 

On the boat, the old man told me 

I would be a present for his wife 

A talking goat, he exclaimed 

She'd never seen this in her life, I felt so special 

Well, I just couldn't believe it 

After all these years I finally had a friend 

He trimmed my beard, he scraped my hooves 

I prayed it would never end 

But when we got to his house, there was no wife 

Only a short, short letter 

It said, "I'm leaving you for your brother 

Because he fucks me better" 

His eyes filled with tears of sadness 

His heart was filled with grief 

To soothe himself he drank a pint of Old Granddad 

And beat me like a side of beef 

I screamed, "Send me back to the hills of Europe" 

He just shook his head and said, "Nope" 

No one will ever leave me again 

To make sure, put on this 3-foot fucking rope 

Present day, I've been on the truck for 51 years 

My only friend is the am radio 

Sometimes the neighborhood children stop by 

But it's always rocks and beer bottles they throw 

At first they're excited to see a talking goat 

They gather around to hear what I have to say 

But I guess sometimes my stories go on too long 

So they leave and giggle I need a bidet 

But you know there was a night that I did get off the truck 

When the old man was passed out drunk 

Three neighborhood kids took me to a rock 'n' roll concert 

The kind of music, old-school funk 

It was the first time I got off the truck the music made me lose control 

The lead singer asked if we were having fun 

I said, "Fucking crank that rock 'n' roll" 

The women at the show were beautiful 

As they danced sexily on the soft grass 

One of them even petted my fur, fuck me in the goat-ass 

Then some long-haired guys grabbed me by the horns 

And threw me in the mosh pit 

They passed me around and treated me nice 

Till I nervously sprayed them with shit 

Then the music stopped and everything was quite 

And all the rock 'n' rollers started a fucking goat-riot 

Kill the goat, kill the goat 

Kill the goat, kill the goat 

They chased me under the bleachers 

They chased me onto the street 

They chased me into an alley 

And said, "I was a dead fucking goat meat" 

But then I saw a sight that I never thought I'd see 

The old man swinging his hickory stick 

But he wasn't swinging at me 

"Fuck you, pot-smoking turkeys don't you press your luck" 

The long hairs ran away screaming as I scrambled onto the truck 

When we got home, the old man said, "Goat, you broke the sacred law" 

No, please, sorry, shit 

I'll let it go this time, but if you leave again I'll break your fucking jaw 

Super, great, okay 

Thank you old man, for saving my life 

Thank you again and again 

You could have let them barbecue me 

But you acted like a friend 

"I'm not your friend, I don't even like you I'm just not drunk," he said 

To prove his point, he drank a bottle of grain alcohol 

And beat the fucking shit out of my head 

Ow, ow, you're hurting me old man 

That night I served a concussion 

Deep inside my goat brain 

I still cannot feel my tail bone 

And I'll probably never walk straight again, yeah 

I guess you'd call me a scapegoat 

A punching bag for the old man to mock 

Just because his wife left him 

For his brother's abnormally large cock 

He could have been my buddy 

But instead he's a crazy old fuck 

And once again, I go to sleep in my eternal home 

The back of the pick-up truck 

Goodnight, old man 

Yeah, goodnight goat