Number One Lyrics - Singles - Ookla The Mok

I am a gambler 

I am Fortune's son 

I am the first mate of the NCC-1701D 

Well I had an encounter at Farpoint Station 

With a little touch of constipation 

While I was waiting to come aboard and meet my crew 

But when the captain arrived I got this feeling inside 

That there was something that I needed to do 

And it's true 

That when I got to my quarters there was something missing 

I didn't have a pot to piss in 

But I was too proud to ask an ensign where to go 

And so I flashed with a smile and held it in for awhile 

And tried not to let it show 

But you know 

CHORUS: 

I asked the ship's computer 

I checked the technical guide 

But there are no bathrooms on the Enterprise 

I've been here seven days 

And I can't wait anymore 

Pretty soon I'm gonna boldly go where no one's ever gone before 

I can't sit down, I'm in some condition 

How'd Kirk survive on a five year mission? 

This new assignment is getting harder to endure 

Cause I ain't feeling so great and I'm putting on lots of weight 

I couldn't make it through a three hour tour 

That's for sure 

And now I've gained twenty pounds and I grew a beard 

How could I shave without a bathroom mirror? 

If I don't get some relief I'm gonna split my skin 

Cause I'm as round as a globe and if I don't launch a probe 

Soon I'll weigh enough to be my own twin 

My transporter twin 

CHORUS