I Won't Say That I'm Okay Lyrics - Aware - Front Porch Step

I won't hold my tongue 

I'm not okay without you here 

I guess what's done is done 

I just feel so exposed without you near 

And I won't say that I'm okay 

'cause you taught me not to lie 

so know that I'll miss you everyday 

You always taught me to be good 

and always do my best to be selfless 

but I know that God is holding you 

and I am so damn jealous 

'cause I miss your arms around me 

and the way you make me laugh 

and now I'm stuck inside this prison 

that says you're never coming back. 

So I'm sitting in my room 

as I try to write this song. 

I'm so sorry that it's not good enough, 

It's just that everything seems wrong. 

And I keep bursting into tears 

because the pain won't go away 

because the Father took my best friend 

and said she cannot come out to play 

anymore. 

I won't hold my tongue 

I'm not okay without you here 

I won't hold my tongue 

I'm not okay without you here 

I won't hold my tongue 

I'm not okay without you here 

I guess what's done is done 

but I just feel so exposed without you near. 

And I won't say that I'm okay 

'cause you taught me not to lie 

so know I'll miss you everyday 

You always taught me to be good 

and always do my best to be selfless 

but I know that God is holding you 

and I am so damn jealous 

'cause I miss your arms around me 

and the way you make me laugh 

and now I'm stuck inside this prison 

that says you're never coming back. 

And now I'm sitting in my room 

as I try to write this song. 

I'm so sorry that it's not good enough, 

It's just that everything seems wrong. 

But I will try my best to be good 

So I can pave my way 

straight through the pearly gates 

into your arms so we can play 

once more. 

spoken: 

Grandma, uh, I love God with all my heart and the only reason that is instated in my life is because of you. And I really don't understand the god that you introduced me to would take you away so fast when you were the only person who understood a thing I ever said. And I really don't know how to deal with this anymore. And, I'm just really not okay with this and I miss you and I understand you're in heaven but I wanna be selfish. I don't want you to be in heaven; I want you to be back down here. I don't want you to be there. I want you to be here. What am I supposed to do now? That's all I'm asking.