Letter From Jeepers Lyrics - Masked Turnip Cyclophony - Frank Zappa

Performed by: Bob Guy 

Doris, get out your poison pen and take a letter. I 

have to write to Count Dracula. You know he wrote 

me a letter of that sort... 

Dear Count Dracula, 

I am writing to you from Cucamonga... Ha-ha! 

Cucamonga? The weather is lovely. The nausea 

of noon. The wind is always blowing and the 

sun never shines. And it's rainy and damp four 

hundred days of the year. 

I enjoyed the party very much. Especially the 

sumptuous feast you had prepared. It was 

thrilling. From the first appetizers, the 'Chicken 

Fried Grub Worms,' on through the dessert, 

ohhhh... 'Blood Pudding!' Oh, I love 'Blood 

Pudding!' Oh, yes! It was a masterpiece of 

culinary skill. 

Although I... I was worried for a moment when 

you... you said the main course was... 'Fish and 

Chips.' We are not THAT plebeian in Cucamonga. 

But my fears were quickly allayed when I discov- 

ered to my delight it was 'Silverfish and Buffalo 

Chips!' Ho-ho! Oh, unique! Oh, they're so 

squirmy! Oh-ho-ho! Oh, the first one went 

down easy, but the second one was greasy! 

Ho-ho-ho...! 

Oh my... Oh, I'm getting carried away, because 

I... I really must apologise for getting tipsy and 

singing. But I have always wanted to be the 

DEATH of the party. 

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Photos