Good Advice Lyrics - Singles - Allan Sherman

I know a man named Otis, who invented a room 

And his heart was filled with pride 

I said to Mr. Otis, "What does your room do?" 

He said, "It goes from side to side" 

So I said, "Mr. Otis, if you take my advice 

You'll be the richest man in town 

You gotta take that room that goes from side to side 

And make it go up and down" 

And that was good advice, good advice 

Good advice costs nothing and it's worth the price 

I sincerely doubt, that the world could do without my good advice 

Sir Isaac Newton came around to my house one day 

His face was all sunburned and red 

He said he didn't want to sleep in the shade of a tree 

Because an apple might fall on his head 

I said, "Sir Isaac, you dumbbell, take my advice 

Go right back there and sleep beneath that tree 

And if you let that rotten apple fall down on your head 

Why you'll discover gravity" 

And that was good advice, good advice 

Good advice costs nothing and it's worth the price 

The world's a better place, since I gave the human race my good advice 

A man named Mr. Waterman, invented a tube 

He was sad because it sprung a little leak 

He said, "Darn it, when I hold my tube on a piece of paper 

The ink leaks out and makes a little streak" 

He said, "I've gotta find a way to stop that leak 

I'll start working on my leak proof tube again" 

I said, "Waterman, you idiot, don't stop that leak 

You just invented a fountain pen" 

And that was good advice, good advice 

Good advice costs nothing and it's worth the price 

I'm so worldly wise, I should get the Nobel Prize for good advice 

Good old Henry Ford, he was a hardworking man 

He worked all night and all day 

I said, "Henry, watcha doin'?" 

And Henry, he said, "I'm inventing the Chevrolet" 

He said, "I've already built twenty-five models 

One for each letter from A to Z" 

I said, "Henry, you fool, there are twenty-six letters in the alphabet 

He said, "Good heavens, I forgot the Model T" 

And that was good advice, good advice 

Good advice costs nothing and it's worth the price 

It's fruitful as can be and it's absolutely free, my good advice 

Wilbur and Orville were two brothers, named Wright 

The nicest pair of kids you've ever seen 

They worked twelve years on a secret project 

They thought it was a washing machine 

I said, "Fellas, what are all those wings for?" 

They said, "For hanging clothes out to dry" 

I said, "You fools, take that washing machine out to Kitty Hawk 

And see if the darn thing'll fly" 

And that was good advice, good advice 

Good advice costs nothing and it's worth the price 

I'm so smart that I'm gonna win a Guggenheim for good advice 

One more time 

Benjamin Franklin was a charming old man 

He was always flying his kite 

One night I said, "Benjy, why ain't you out with your kite?" 

He said, "Because it's raining tonight" 

I said, "Benjy, sweety, you go right back out there 

And to your kite string, tie a key 

This may shock you, Benjy, my boy 

But that's electricity" 

And that was good advice, good advice 

Good advice costs nothing and it's worth the price 

I'll re model you, if you'll only listen to my good advice 

Ooga Magoog was a Neanderthal man 

A very poorly educated soul 

He had a great big square thing made of solid stone 

And in the middle of it was a hole 

One day he had to go from his cave in Natchez 

To his uncle's cave in Mobile 

I said, "Round off those corners 

And buy a set of tires 

And Ooky baby, that's a wheel" 

And that was good advice, good advice 

Good advice costs nothing and it's worth the price 

Harvard offered me a Phi Beta Kappa key for good advice 

Sigmund Freud, he had an unfurnished house 

He was a very nosy fellow, so it seems he had no chairs 

So he made all his friends stand around all day 

And tell him, all their secrets and their dreams 

Well, while they stood there talking 'till they got fallen arches 

They yelled, "My feet are killing me, ouch" 

I said, "Sigmund, don't you realize, you've got a gold mine here 

Go out and buy yourself a leather couch" 

And that was good advice, good advice 

Good advice costs nothing and it's worth the price 

Every word you're told will be eighteen karat gold, that's good advice 

Alexander Graham Bell was building a fence 

With some wood and a long piece of wire 

He said, "There's something strange going on around here 

I keep hearing the voice of Uncle Myer" 

I said, "Mr. Graham Cracker", that was my little joke 

"With that wire you got the world in your palm 

Just get a mouthpiece and an earpiece and a piece in between 

And you'll sponsor The Telephone Hour" 

And that was good advice, good advice 

Good advice costs nothing and it's worth the price 

Every word ya hear, is the message of the year, it's good advice 

Christopher Columbus was a seaman second class 

When I told him that the Indies could be found 

By sailing to the West instead of sailing to the East 

I advised him that I thought the world was round, I really thought so 

And then I sent him down to ask good Queen Isabella 

To pawn her jewels for all their worth 

Next day he set sail and as everyone knows 

He fell off the edge of the Earth 

And that was bad advice, bad advice 

Bad advice is just the same as good advice 

Everybody makes occasional mistakes and that was bad advice