Constipated Lyrics - Weird Al Yankovic

Uh huh, extra cheese 

Uh huh, uh huh, save a piece for me 

Pizza party at your house 

I went just to check it out 

Nineteen extra larges 

What a shame no one came 

Just us eatin' all alone 

You said, "Take the pizza home 

No sense lettin' all this go to waste" 

So then I faced 

Pizza all day and every day 

This cheese 'round the clock 

Is gettin' me blocked 

And I sure don't care for irregularity 

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Tell me 

Why'd you have to go and make me so constipated? 

'Cause right now I'd do anything to just get my bowels evacuated 

In the bathroom I sit and I wait and I strain 

And I sweat and I clench and I feel the pain 

Oh, should I take laxatives or have my colon irrigated? 

No, no, no 

I was feelin' pretty down 

Till my girlfriend came around 

We're just so alike in every way 

I gotta say 

In fact I just thought I might 

Pop the question there that night 

I was kissing her so tenderly 

But woe is me 

Photos 

Who would have guessed, her family crest 

I'd suddenly spy tattooed on her thigh 

And son of a gun 

It's just like the one on me 

Tell me 

How was I supposed to know we were both related? 

Believe me, if I knew she was my cousin we never would have dated 

What to do now? Should I go ahead and propose 

And get hitched and have kids with eleven toes 

And move to Alabama where that kind of thing is tolerated? 

No, no, no 

(No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no) 

I had so much on my mind 

I thought maybe I'd unwind 

Try out that new roller coaster ride 

And the guide 

Said not to stand 

But that's a demand that I couldn't meet 

I got on my feet and stood up instead 

And knocked off my head, you see 

Tell me 

Why'd I have to go and get myself decapitated? 

This really is a major inconvenience, oh man, I really hate it 

Such a drag, now can't eat, I can't breathe, I can't snore 

I can't belch or yodel anymore 

Can't spit or blow my nose or even read Sports Illustrated 

Oh no 

Why'd I have to go and get myself all mutilated? 

(Yeah, yeah) 

I gotta tell ya, life without a head kinda makes me irritated 

What a bummer, can't blink, I can't cough, I can't sneeze 

But my neck is enjoyin' a pleasant breeze now 

Haven't been the same since my head and I were separated 

No, no, no