The Legend Of Hardhead Ned Lyrics - Cardboard Castles - Watsky

Once upon a time in a remote Tasmanian trailer park 

There was born a baby boy by the name of Nedson Willbry 

One day when Nedson was a baby, his crackhead teen mum 

Got real distracted watching Teen Mum on the telly and dropped Ned right on his noggin 

Leaving a bump on top of his head 

The little bean stopped squirming 

And his mum thought he was surely done for 

So mummy brought the tiny bundle to the forest during a terrible storm 

And left him for dead in a field of pumpkins and wolves 

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But just then lighting struck 

And a cry cut through the night light like a siren on a fire truck 

Ned survived by the slightest luck, he wasn't a dead baby, Neddy was alive as fuck! 

It was a miracle we're hearing 

The creatures of the evening came creeping to the clearing 

To see this little man nugget 

Soon to be immortalized in poetry just like the man from Nantucket 

But as the little babe was grown 

They gave to him their home 

And raised him as their own 

He roamed and trapezed from the tallest trees (whee!) 

He got his steez from the wallabies 

They all loved him 

But the Tasmanian Devils loved little Neddy more than all of 'em 

They taught him how to spin like a fan 

'Til Ned spun himself into a fine young man 

But one day like a sick disease 

Loggers crept in and chopped the eucalyptus trees 

They smushed the cuddly forest creatures 

And turned 'em into body wash and sneakers 

But Ned escaped and yelled angrily 

That "You abandoned me! 

You killed my family! 

But God dammit, I can't use your pity" 

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And he snuck onto a ship bound for New York City 

Ned's voyage led him to the deepest, darkest, dankest bowels of that ship 

He met all kinds of seedy characters on that voyage, like old Japanese men and their wives 

He had meals of fresh cut sashimi, pumpkin pie 

And all kinds of delicious breads and cookies and cakes 

When he was on that voyage he knew what lied ahead 

So he kept his sights set on New York City 

And before he knew it, he arrived 

Ned almost drowned 

He kissed the ground 

But his guts were churned up in this town 

Where down was up and up was down 

So the boy from Down Under flipped right around 

Ned did a cartwheel and stopped halfway 

And he walked on his palms from that day 

But cityfolk treated Ned like a freak 

"That handwalking lumpheaded Yeti can't speak" 

One night walking home Ned was quite shocked 

He saw a B-boy spinning on the sidewalk 

He couldn't stop, wouldn't stop 

Staring at those limbs, spinning like a wooden top 

Sweeter than puddin' pop, Ned was home at last 

And every night he'd watch 'em dance through the glass 

Of the club, and he'd wait there in line for his chance 

But the bouncer said, freak, you can't dance! 

Oh but Ned, sweet little Ned, he wouldn't get out of line 

And the bouncer pushed him, and pushed him 

But to catch his balance, Ned, hardheaded, upside down Ned did what Ned did best 

He just spun. And he spun. And he spun. And he spun! 

(Go Ned, go Ned, go, go, go Ned!) 

Everyone in the club came out to watch what is now regarded 

As the greatest fucking head spin of all time 

Legend has it that Ned's still out there on Bleecker Street 

Spinning on the curb to this very day