Freaky Tales Lyrics - Too $hort

These are the tales the freaky tales... 

The tales that i tell so well... 

I met this girl her name was joan 

She loved the way i rocked the microphone 

When i met joan i took her home 

She was just like a doggy all on my bone 

I met another girl her name was ann 

All she wanted was to freak with a man 

When i met ann i soked her pans 

We ended up freakin' by garbage can 

The next young freak i met was red 

I took her to the house and she gave me head 

She likes to freak was all she said 

We jumped in the sheets and we broke my bed 

There's another girl, her name is mary 

Talked about sex and the girl acted scary 

I heard she was freakin' for my homeboy jerry 

Took her to the house and i popped that cherry 

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Young and tender, sweet denise 

Get her in the bed and the girl's a beast 

I tell you, homeboy, if you get a piece 

She only talks about signin' a lease 

I met this tender, her name was lori 

And a x-rated movie wouldn't tell her story 

She had a twinsister, her name was lisa 

And just like lori, she's a real dick pleaser 

My girlfriend's name was michelle, i freaked her well 

Her pussy got hotter than flames in hell 

I geed this girl, her name was tammy 

I didn't wanna do it cause the bitch was flammy 

She had a best friend, her name was jane 

I pulled to the side and i spitted that game 

I met a lot of freaks in my lifespine 

Freaked one night with a girl named pam 

The very next day i saw her with her man 

One week passed and i was in her again 

I had an old tender, her name was janie 

She was thirty-two and i was only eighteen 

She likes to freak, she's just a fiend 

It really didn't matter when i saw her in jeans 

I wanna big freak, fat and slobby 

I kick on back and i watch her mouth 

Two tons of fun, big mama jama 

A country-girl from alabama 

I met this girl, her name was betty 

Her pussy got wet and it smelled like death 

I was tired as hell, i was drippin' sweat 

But i was all up in her tryin' to hold my breath 

Bake and shake us, i met this freak in vegas 

She said her name was donna 

She was a pitty little freak from china 

I said i don't pimp or gigolo 

I'm havin' so much money that i don't need a hoe 

You can break yourself but you can't break me 

You never met a player like $hort, baby 

I knew a dick sucker named betty-jo 

Took her to my home and we did it on the floor 

The girl got freaky and i tell you more: 

She was down on her knees beggin' to blow 

She's like another freak named ren` 

You get her alone and she'll make your day 

Like burger king, she knows the play 

But a freak like ren`, you can have it your way... 

Photos 

These are the tales, the freaky tales... 

These are the tales that i tell so well... 

I met this girl, thick as hell 

Only sixteen, said her name was linell 

I took her to my house, i could not wait 

Her shit was much tighter than central safe 

Let me tell you this since we talkin' young 

I met another girl, said her name was yvonne 

Always talkin' about havin' fun 

Once again in the bed i got it goin' on 

I'm sir too $hort, couldn't be no punk 

I try to get funky like female funk 

So when you see me comin' or see me goin' 

I keep my money, let the hoes keep throwin' 

I once met a tender, she did it for free 

On the foothill bust number forty-three 

All the way on the back she was workin' me 

Had my big beatbox and i was jammin' the beat 

I met this freak named aunt winell 

Macked on the baby like an ice-cold vet 

Everythin' she had is what i get 

Cause i'm too $hort, baby, i don't play that shit 

I met another freak, her name was rita 

Baby thought that $hort just might eat her 

I told her like this, she can suck my peter 

Or even go home cause i knew i didn't need her 

Scratched her name off my telephone book 

Never again i took a second look 

Cause the next young freak, her name was sharon 

She kept lookin', well, i kept stairin' 

Her booty was stuffed in the jeans she was wearin' 

She never left, she cutted out 

I know you all know what i'm talkin' about 

There's a freak named shane, such a sinner 

She smokes that pipe and she's gettin' thinner 

Shane is cool but her mind is gone 

One fat rock and it's goin' on 

She had another buddy, came by my place 

Thick ass bitch, said her name was grace 

She walked in the door wearin' a lace 

You shoulda seen that look that was on my face 

She's like this tender named belinda 

Homeboys call her belinda the blender 

She gave head like she made it up 

She was twenty years old with a big round butt 

Had a girl slick like olive oil 

Her father was rich and the girl was spoiled 

When she got mad he blood would boil 

But i rapped her off like i'm lookin' a toy... 

These are the tales, the freaky tales... 

The tales that i tell so well... 

Shockedy life, friday night, it's goin' on too $hort 

Three weeks ago i met this freak 

She followed me around like mary's sheep 

I hitted around the corner and when she came 

I grabbed her by the arm and i asked her name 

She said it was nina and her man's in santa rita 

I took her to my home and homeboy, i geed her 

Set her on the way the very next way 

Playboy $hort was ready to play 

I bumped to this girl, her name was roseanne 

We hitted the motel and got it goin' on 

Holiday inn to the break of dawn 

When i took baby home, i freaked her mom 

I knew this tender named shanie 

I took her to the house and let her freak on me 

Baby was a fan, she loved my beat 

But i wouldn't raise my leg to let her kiss my feet 

I met this freak named yolanda 

Rolled baby doll like a brand new honda 

I was on top and she was up under 

The bed hitted the wall and it sounded like thunder 

I once had a datewith girl named kitty 

She was so fine with big fat tiddies 

All night long she was actin' shitty 

So i macked on baby like i was frank nitti 

There's another girl, her name is rose 

I use to roll baby like brand new volvos 

I never saw rose wearin' clothes 

She's a pimp house pet, ready to pose 

I was ridin' down the street when i met janet 

Her booty was bigger than the whole damn planet 

Ass everywhere, i just can't stand it 

Tried to poem it but i could not manage 

I had this freak, her name was bunny 

Said i was the only man who ever called her honey 

Everythin' i did to her was funny 

I macked on bunny and i took her money 

Eight tonight a date with shirlie 

She was really short and her hair was curly 

If you saw baby you liked this girlie 

She was so fine i went to get her early 

Shirlie was freakin' like a girl named rachel 

Her bite was vicious and it sure was fatal 

She liked to kiss all on my neval 

Those are her lips on top of my label 

I knew another freak, her name was candy 

Real big lips and they came in handy 

I smooth got worked and it was so dandy 

I hooked the brood up with my homeboy randyhe did me a favor in return 

Gave me a lizard, said her name was laverne 

Baby got tossed and i got it on 

I grabbed the mic and started to sing my song 

My young homeboy heard me rap 

And said he had way more freaks than that 

So i told him like this: they might be freakin' 

But, boy, you never had that t-p-treatment...