Holy Lyrics - The Golden Palominos

I eat only sleep and air 

And everyone thinks I'm dumb 

But I'm smart because I've figured it out. 

I am slimmer than you are 

And I am burning my skin off little by little 

Until I reach bone and self 

Until I get to where I am essential 

Until I get to where I am 

Food doesn't tempt me anymore 

Because I am so full of energy and sense 

I can even pass by water now 

Because I am living off the parts of me 

That I don't need anymore. 

I could feel the slow drips of pain before, 

Swirling inside where my lungs should have been. 

Now I'm clean inside. 

I threw out hundreds of things that I didn't need anymore. 

All my dresses and bras 

Stupid things like jeans and socks. 

Most days I float through the house naked 

So I can see myself in the mirrors. 

I have hundreds of them everywhere 

And they talk back to me all the time. 

They keep me true and pure. 

They make sure I'm still here. 

When I knew what I had to do 

I took all my notebooks, all my manuscripts 

And ate them page by page 

So I could take my words with me. 

I can finally control my life and even death 

And I will die slowly like steam escaping from a pipe. 

This is my greatest performance 

And all of the actresses who won my parts will say 

How wonderful to let yourself go that mad, 

How wonderful to go on this kind of journey 

And not care if you come back to tell the story. 

I scratch words on the walls now 

So people will visit this museum and know 

How someone like me ends up like this 

(they'll say there is art in here somewhere). 

Everything that comes out of me is sacred 

Every tear, every cough, every piss. 

Everything that comes off of me is sacred 

Every fingernail, every eyelash, every hair. 

Starvation is sacred and I scratch my bones 

Against the windows at night. 

I light candles and feel myself evaporate. 

This body is a little church, a little temple. 

You can't see me now because I've gone inside. 

My family doesn't call anymore. 

My friends don't call anymore. 

You can't hurt me anymore. 

They can't hurt me anymore. 

Only I can. 

And that's okay. 

I don't need them anymore. 

I can live off of me. 

I speak to me. 

I dance with me. 

I eat me. 

When they find me, I'll have a little smile on my face 

And they'll wrap me in a white cloth and lay me in the ground 

And say they don't understand. 

But I do. 

I don't hurt anymore. 

I'm not lonely anymore. 

I'm not sad I'm not pretty anymore. 

I made it through. 

I feel so holy and clean when I stretch out on the floor and sing. 

Sometimes god comes in for a minute and says I'm doing fine, I'm almost there. 

Every day I get a little closer to vanishing. 

Some days I can't stand up because the room moves under my feet 

And I smile because I'm almost there, 

I'm almost an angel. 

One day when I am thin enough 

I'll go outside 

Fluttering my hands so I can fly 

And I will be so slight that I will pass through all of you 

Silently 

Like wind.