The Contest Lyrics - Sweeney Todd

I am Adolfo Pirelli, da king of da barbers 

Da barber of kings 

E buon giorno, good day, I blow you a kiss 

And I da so-famous Pirelli 

I wish-a to know-a who has-a da nerve-a 

To say my elixir is piss? Who says this? 

I do, I am Mr. Sweeney Todd 

And I have opened a bottle of Pirelli's Elixir 

And I say to you, it is nothing but an arrant fraud 

Concocted from piss and ink 

He's right, phew 

Better to throw your money down the sewer 

Ladies and gentlemen 

Pay no attention to that madman 

Who's to be the first for a magnificent shave? 

And furthermore, I have serviced no kings 

Yet I wager that I can shave a cheek 

And pull a tooth with ten times more dexterity 

Than any street mountebank 

You see these razors? The finest in England 

I lay them against five pounds, you are no match for me 

You hear me, sir? Either accept my challenge 

Or reveal yourself as a sham, bravo, bravo 

Zees are indeed fine razors 

Instruments like zees once seen 

Cannot be soon forgotten, and a fine extractor too 

You wager zees against five pounds, sir? I do 

You hear zis foolish man? Watch and see 

How he will regret his folly, five pounds it is 

Friends, neighbors, who's for a free shave? 

Me, Mr. Todd, sir, and me, Mr. Todd, sir 

Over here, bring me a chair 

Boy, bring ze basins, bring ze towels 

Yes, sir, quick 

Will Beadle Bamford be the judge? 

Glad as always to oblige 

My friends and neighbors 

Put it there, ready? Ready, ready 

The fastest, smoothest shave is the winner 

Now, signorini, signori, we mix a da lather 

But first a you gather around, signorini, signori 

You looking a man who have had a 

Da glory to shave-a da Pope 

Mr. Sweeney, so smart 

Oh, I beg-a you pardon 

Call me a lie, was a only a cardinal 

Nope, it was-a da Pope 

Perhaps, signorini, signori 

You like-a I tell-a, da famous-a story 

Of Queen Isabella 

Da Queen of-a Polan 

Whose toot' was-a swollen 

I pull it so nice from her mout' 

That-a though to begin 

She's a screaming-a murder 

She's later-a swoon-a with bliss 

An' was heard-a to shout 

Pull all of 'em out 

To shave-a da face, to pull a da toot' 

Require da grace and not a da brute 

For if-a you slip, you nick da skin 

You clip-a da chin, you rip-a da lip a bit 

And dat's-a da trut' 

To shave-a da face or even a part 

Widout it-a smart require da heart 

It take-a da art, I show you a chart 

I study-a starting in my yout' 

To cut-a da hair, to trim-a da beard 

To make-a da bristle clean like a whistle 

Dis is from early infancy 

Da talent give to me by God 

It take-a da skill, it take-a da brains 

It take-a da will to take-a da pains 

It take-a da pace, it take-a da grace 

The winner is Todd 

Smooth as a baby's arse 

And now who's for a tooth pulling 

Free without charge 

Me, sir, me, sir, who else? No one? 

Then sir, since there is no means 

To test the second skill 

I claim the five pounds 

To which he is entitled, right? 

Wait, one moment, wait 

You, boy, get on that chair 

Me, signor? Oh, not a tooth, sir 

I beg of you, I ain't got a twinge 

Not the tiniest pain, I 

You do now 

We see who is zee victor now 

Zis Mister Todd or zee great Pirelli 

Ready? Ready, ready 

To pull-a da toot' widout-a da skill 

Can damage da root 

Now hold-a da still an' if-a you slip 

You grip a bit, you hit da pit of it 

Or chip-a da do and have-a to fill 

To pull-a da toot' widout-a da grace 

You leave-a da space all over da place 

You try to erase widout-a da trace 

Sometimes is da case you even-a kill 

To hold-a da clamp widout-a da cramp 

Wid all dat saliva, it could-a drive-a you crazy 

Don' mutter or back-a you go to da gutter 

My touch is as light as a butter-a cup 

I take-a da pains, I learn-a da art 

I use-a da brains, I give-a da heart 

I have-a da grace, I win-a da race 

Not a twinge of pain, not a twinge 

The man's a bloody marvel 

The two-time winner, Mr. Sweeney Todd 

Sir, I bow to a skill far defter than my own 

The five pounds 

Here, sir, and may the good Lord smile on you 

Until we meet again 

Come, boy 

Signori, bellissime signorini 

Buon giorno, buon giorno a tutti