The Irony Of It All Lyrics - Original Pirate Material - Streets

Hello, hello, my name's Terry and I'm a law-abider 

There's nothin' I like more than gettin' fired up on beer 

And when the weekend's here 

I exercise my right to get paralytic and fight 

Good Bloke fairly 

But I get well leery when geezers look at me funny 

Bounce 'em round like bunnies 

I'm likely to cause mischief 

Good clean grief you must believe 

And I ain't no thief, law-abidin' and all, all legal 

And who cares about my liver when it feels good? 

What you need is some real manhood 

Rasher, rasher, burnin' cash up 

Puttin' people's backs up 

Public disorder, I'll give you public disorder 

I down eight pints and run all over the place 

Spit in the face of an officer, see if that bothers ya 

'Cause I never broke a law in my life 

Some day I'm gonna settle down with a wife 

Come on lads let's have another fight 

Um, hello, my name's Tim and I'm a criminal 

In the eyes of society I need to be in jail 

For the choice of herbs I inhale 

This ain't no wholesale operation 

Just a few eighths and some play station's my vocation 

I pose a threat to the nation 

And down the station the police hold no patience 

Let's talk space and time 

I like to get deep sometimes 

And think about Einstein and Carl Jung 

And old Kung Fu movies I like to see 

Pass the hydrator please, yeah, I'm floatin' on thin air 

Going to Amsterdam in the New Year, top gear there 

'Cause I take pride in my hobby 

Home-made bongs using my engineering degree 

"Dear leaders, please legalize weed for these reasons" 

Like I was saying to him, I told him, "Fuck with me and you won't live" 

So I smacked him in the head and downed another carling 

Bada bada bing, for the lad's like, mad fight 

His face a sad sight, Vodka and Snake Bite 

Going on like a right geez, he's a twat 

Shouldn't have looked at me like that 

Anyway, I'm an upstandin' citizen 

If a war came along I'd be on the front line with 'em 

Can't stand crime either, them hooligans 

On heroin, drugs and criminals 

Those thugs are the pinnacle of the downfall of society 

I've got all the anger pent up inside of me 

You know, I don't see why I should be the criminal 

How can somethin' with no recorded fatalities be illegal? 

And how many deaths are there per year from alcohol? 

I just completed gran turismo on the hardest settin' 

We pose no threat on my city 

Ooh, the pizza's here, will someone let him in please? 

We didn't order chicken 

Not a problem, we'll pick it out 

I doubt they meant to mess us about 

After all we're all adults, not louts 

As I was sayin', we're friendly peaceful people 

We're not the ones out there causin' trouble 

We just sit in this hazy bubble with our quarters 

Discussing how beautiful Gail Porter is 

MTV, BBC 2, Channel 4 is on until six in the mornin' 

Then six in the mornin' the sun dawns and it's my bedtime 

Causin' trouble? 

Your stinkin' rabble boys 

Saying I'm the lad who's spoilin' it 

You're on drugs 

It really bugs me when people try and tell me I'm a thug 

Just for gettin' drunk, I like gettin' drunk 

'Cause I'm an upstandin' citizen 

If a war came along I'd be on the front line with 'em 

Now Terry, you're repeatin' yourself 

But that's okay, drunk people can't help that 

A chemical reaction happenin' inside your brain 

Causes you to forget what you're sayin' 

What? I know exactly what I'm sayin' 

I'm perfectly sane 

You stinkin' student lameo 

Go get a job and stop robbin' us of our taxes 

Um, well actually accordin' to research 

Government fundin' for further education pales in insignificance 

When compared to how much they spend on repairin' leery drunk people At the weekend, in casualty wards all over the land 

Why you cheeky little swine come here 

I'm gonna batter ya, come here