Nutcracker Lyrics - Under The Influence: Holiday Edition - Straight No Chaser

Hooray it's Christmastime 

But there's one lousy tradition 

There's a certain show that we will see 

That is old and many would agree 

It is time to find another show to substitute for the Nutcracker 

I'm watching the game but something's wrong 

Staring is my wife her face looks long 

I know that look it must be me 

It's not our anniversary 

I shrug, no clue. 

"What did I do?" 

She stands in disbelief 

WHAT? 

This holiday scene brings no laughter 

Forced going to see the Nutcracker 

I tried to block it from my mind 

Think fast! What reason can I find? 

Got work to do 

I'll fake the flu 

No chance, I'm done, I'm screwed 

NO! 

I've seen the Nutcracker twenty times. 

Sure it is fun if you are four. 

BUM! 

Don't call me a Scrooge cause it's a bore. 

The story's dated and that mouse-king-thing freaks me out! 

Well, guess I'm a guy what can I say 

I'd rather watch football than ballet 

I try my hardest not to groan 

And pull the score up on my phone 

As I complain, 

"It's not the same." 

We're rushing out the door 

GO! 

All holiday shoppers on the road 

My holiday spirit might explode 

Of course there is no place to park 

We're late the theater's in the dark 

In no small feat 

We find a seat 

The show's about to start. 

SHH! 

Here's that song from Tetris 

And I know it's the part when I fight 

Not to fall asleep 

March the wooden soldiers 

Bunch of mice start a fight 

Land of sweets 

Man this stuff's trippy. 

By the way this story makes no sense 

Still don't know 

What it means 

After all these years 

So confusing 

Feel like snoozing 

Eyes are heavy 

As I start to dream... 

Whoa I'm awake must've fallen asleep guess I didn't snore or make a peep 

Cause my wife had no clue I'd been out-cold 

Is the finale coming up because there is no beer left in my cup 

To make it through I'll need another drink 

Snuck out to the lobby 

Oh look I found a TV 

I forgot the game was happening 

It's down to the wire 

Time will soon expire 

Down by one this kick would win it 

HUT-HUT! 

The ball's snapped 

OH NO! 

The kick's bad 

RIGHT RIGHT! 

No, we lost! 

NO! 

How could this night get any worse? 

Now I'm feeling all depressed 

But I still have to act impressed 

A pirouette oh wow that's great a six year-old could do that too 

Saw my team lose at the bar 

Now dancing dudes in leotards 

Last Nutcracker hopefully 

But my wife's thinking differently 

She leans in closely, whispers softly 

Can't wait for you to take me next year.