Getting Married Today Lyrics - Stephen Sondheim

JENNY: Bless this day, 

Pinnacle of life 

Husband joined to wife 

The heart leaps up to behold 

This golden day. 

PAUL: Today is for Amy 

Amy, I give you the rest of my life 

To cherish and to keep you 

To honor you forever 

Today is for Amy, 

My, happily, soon-to-be wife. 

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AMY: Pardon me, is everybody here? 

Because if everybody's here, 

I'd like to thank you all 

For coming to the wedding. 

I'd appreciate you going even more, 

I mean, you must have lots of better things to do, 

And not a word of it to Paul 

Remember Paul? You know, the man I'm going to marry 

But I'm not, because I wouldn't ruin anything 

As wonderful as he is. 

Thank you all for the gifts and the flowers, 

Thank you all, now it's back to the showers 

Don't tell Paul, but I'm not getting married today. 

JENNY: Bless this day, 

Tragedy of life 

Husband bound to wife 

The heart leaps up 

And feels dead 

This dreadful day. 

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AMY: Listen everybody, look, I don't know what you're waiting for 

A wedding. What's a wedding? It's a prehistoric ritual 

Where everybody promises fidelity forever, 

Which is maybe the most horrifying word I ever heard of, 

Which is followed by a honeymoon, where suddenly he'll realize 

He's saddled with a nut, and want to kill me, which he should. 

Thanks a bunch, but I'm not getting married 

Go have lunch, 'cause I'm not getting married 

You've been grand, but I'm not getting married 

Don't just stand there, I'm not getting married 

And don't tell Paul, but I'm not getting married today. 

Go! Can't you go? 

Why is nobody listening? 

Goodbye! Go and cry 

At another person's wake. 

If you're quick, for a kick 

You could pick up a christening 

But please, on my knees, 

There's a human life at stake! 

Listen everybody, I'm afraid you didn't hear 

Or do you want to see a crazy lady fall apart in front of you? 

It isn't only Paul who would be ruining his life 

You know, we'll both of us be losing our identities 

I telephoned my analyst about it, and he said to see him Monday 

But by Monday I'll be floating in the Hudson with the other garbage. 

I'm not well, so I'm not getting married 

You've been swell, but I'm not getting married 

Clear the hall, 'cause I'm not getting married 

Thank you all, but I'm not getting married 

And don't tell Paul, but I'm not getting married today. 

JENNY: Bless this bride, 

Totally insane 

Slipping down the drain 

And bless this day in our hearts 

As it starts 

To rain. 

PAUL: Today is for Amy 

Amy, I give you the rest of my life 

To cherish and to keep you 

To honor you forever 

AMY: Go! Can't you go? 

Look, you know I adore you all 

But why watch me die 

Like Eliza on the ice? 

Look, perhaps I'll collapse 

In the apse right before you all 

So take back the cake 

Burn the shoes, and boil the rice. 

PAUL: Today is for Amy, 

My, happily, soon-to-be wife 

My adorable wife... 

AMY: Look, I didn't want to have to tell you, 

But I may be coming down with hepatitis, and I think I'm gonna faint 

So if you want to watch me faint, I'll do it happily, 

But wouldn't it be funnier to go and watch a funeral? 

So thank you for the twenty-seven dinner plates, 

Thirty-seven butter knives, 

Forty-seven paperweights, 

Fifty-seven candle holders 

PAUL: One more thing... 

AMY: I'm not getting married. 

CHOIR: Amen! 

PAUL: Softly said... 

AMY: But I'm not getting married. 

CHOIR: Amen! 

PAUL: With this ring... 

AMY: See, I'm not getting married! 

CHOIR: Amen! 

PAUL: I thee wed. 

AMY: Still, I'm not getting married! 

CHOIR: Amen! 

PAUL: Let us pray that we are getting married 

AMY: Let us pray that we're not getting married 

ALL: Today!