Three Balloons Lyrics - Stephen Lynch

I call you from my car to say I'll be there in awhile 

A short plan ride and I will get to see your pretty smile. 

There's nothing on the radio; I'd fiddled the dial 

Then I see a sign: the airport is just another mile 

I check my bags and think about how much I hate to fly, 

And as I near security I almost start to cry. 

Well I hope the law enforcement agent's can't tell from my face, 

I got three balloons of coke in an uncomfortable place. 

I'm sweating and I'm nervous and I need a little air, 

'Cuz with four balloons of heroin, it's getting crowded up in there. 

Crowded up in there. 

My mind is all a-jumble and my blood is cold as ice. 

I dread the thought of having to unload this merchandise. 

Relax, I say, it's not so bad; it might be kinda nice, 

Besides who hasn't had a finger up there once or twice. 

I must remember don't leave any drugs inside the host; 

I did that once and a girl who tossed my salad overdosed. 

Well I say a little prayer "Hail Maria Full Of Grace", 

I've got three balloons of coke in an uncomfortable place. 

I'm sweating and I'm nervous and I need a little air, 

And i swear i'm farting lines of blow into my underwear. 

Ooh, from my derriere. 

I was a little eager when I loaded up my stash 

Five balloons of ecstacy, six balloons of hash, 

Eight balloons of LSD, nine of sexy mild, 

A box of Chinese fireworks, a Guatemalan child. 

I made it to the gate and now my joy I can't contain. 

I board the aircraft, take my seat in the cockpit of the plane- 

As I taxi down the runway I get a smile on my face, 

And I've got three baloons of coke in an uncomfortable place. 

Flight crew, prepare for takeoff, as I lift us the air, 

And by the way does anyone want to buy a Guatemalan child. 

Oh, from my derriere. 

I got Three balloons... 

I got Three balloons... 

I got Three balloons...