Superhero Lyrics - Stephen Lynch

If I could be a Superhero, 

I would be Awesome Man. 

I'd fly around the world fighting crime 

According to my Awesome Plan. 

And if I saw criminals trying to lie 

Hurting other people and making them cry 

I'd haul them off to jail in my Awesome Van. 

Because I would be Awesome Man. 

(Now some criminals want you to be a criminal, 

and they offer you things like drugs and alcohol, but we know what to do kids, we just say no.) 

If I could be a Superhero, 

I would be Drug-Free Boy. 

Telling the world of the evils of drugs, 

and the lives that they destroy. 

well I'd take all the junkies getting so high 

With their needles and bongs and sticks made of thai 

as I'd burn them alive and I would squeal with joy. 

'Cause I would be Drug-Free Boy. 

If I could be a Superhero, 

I'd be Immigration Dude 

I'd send all the foreigners back to their homes 

For eating up all of our food 

And taking our welfare and best jobs to boot 

Like landscaping, dish washing, picking our fruit 

I'd pass lots of laws to get rid of their brood 

Because I would be Immigration Dude. 

(Kids, you can make up your very own superhero. If you could, who would you be?) 

If you could be a Superhero, 

Would you be Justice Guy? 

Making sure people get what they deserve, 

Especially women who lie 

Like if a wife left her husband with three kids and no job 

To run off to f...ing Hawaii with some doctor named Bob 

You could skin them and drain them of blood till they die 

Especially Bob 

Then you would be Justice Guy 

Oh, I didn't mean to be subtle, I didn't mean to be vague 

Give her Mad Cow disease, let him die of the plague 

As long as they suffer for their terrible lie 

Especially Bob 

Then you would be Justice Guy. 

Then you would be a Superhero, like me.