Can I Interest You In Hannukah? Lyrics - Stephen Colbert

Jon: Can I interest you in Hannukah? 

Maybe something in a Festival of Lights 

It's a sensible alternative to Christmas 

And it lasts for seven -for you - eight nights. 

Stephen: Hanukkah huh? I've never really thought about it. 

Jon: Well, you could do worse. 

Stephen: Is it merry? 

Jon: It's kind of merry 

Stephen: Is it cheery? 

Jon: It's got some cheer 

Stephen: Is it jolly? 

Jon: Look, I wouldn't know from jolly. 

But it's not my least unfavorite time of year. 

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Stephen: When's it start? 

Jon: The 25th 

Stephen: Of December? 

Jon: Kislev 

Stephen: When is when exactly? 

Jon: I will check 

Stephen: Are there presents? 

Jon: Yes, indeed 8 days of presents 

Which means one nice one, then a week of dreck. 

Stephen: Does Hanukkah commemorate events profound and holy? A king who came to save the world? 

Jon: No, oil that burned quite slowly 

Stephen: Well, it sounds fantastic! 

Jon: There's more 

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Jon: We have latkes 

Stephen: What are they? 

Jon: Potato pancakes. We have dreidels 

Stephen: What are they? 

Jon: Wooden tops. We have candles 

Stephen: What are they? 

Jon: THEY ARE CANDLES! 

And when we light them, oh the fun it never stops. 

What do you say, Stephen, do you want to give Hanukkah a try? 

Stephen: I'm trying see me as a Jew 

I'm trying even harder 

But I believe in Jesus Christ 

So it's a real non-starter 

Jon: I can't interest you in Hanukkah? Just a little bit? 

Stephen: No thanks I'll pass. I'll keep Jesus, you keep your potato pancakes. But I hope that you enjoy 'em on behalf of all of the goyim. 

Jon: Be sure to tell the Pontiff, my people say Good Yontif. 

Stephen: That's exactly what I'll do 

Both: Happy holidays, you 

Jon: too! 

Stephen: Jew! 

Jon: Too?