Dads Best Friend Lyrics - Rubberbandits

Bootcut Jeans, salmon shirt 

I have a skin routine and my elbows hurt 

I don't give blood because I won't give blood 

Bought a tarantula from a Swedish guy 

He helped me out in Stockholm with a DUI 

And I stalk Ian Brown when he comes to town 

I stole cocaine off my nephews friend 

I did it with the fellas at the A.G.M 

And Eleanor from A&R refused me again 

So I did that thing at the Holiday Inn 

My wife sells cheese on the Internet 

I think about her sister when we're intimate 

Her family and friends, they don't like me anymore 

'Cause I threatened all her brothers with an antique sword 

I'm your dad's best friend, your dad's best friend 

We're taking him to Holland for the long weekend 

He never had a stag, he never had a stag 

We're taking him to Amsterdam and making him a man 

Your dad's best friend, your dad's best friend 

We're doing ketamine up in the Netherlands 

He never had a stag, he never had a stag 

I'm taking him to Amsterdam and buying him a bag 

I watch gay porn in my garden shed 

I lie to everybody that my father's dead 

I smell like Joop, my son has croup 

Picking up the hooker that I like the best 

Crying on her toilet cause my life's a mess 

I'm sleeping in the office cause my wife's depressed 

I'm heating streaky bacon in a trouser press 

I am your dad's best friend, your dad's best friend 

I'm taking him to Holland for the long weekend 

He never had a stag, he never had a stag 

I'm taking him to Amsterdam and making him a man 

Your dad's best friend, your dad's best friend 

We're doing ketamine up in the Netherlands 

And maybe when you've children of your own 

You'll be praying for a best friend just like me