The Day My Wife Met My Girlfriend Lyrics - Rodney Carrington

The Day My Wife Met My Girlfriend 

Well I Got Home and the door was locked 

And I tried to ring the bell 

I found a little bitty note that she had wrote 

Telling me to go to hell 

I crawled in the window, I got inside 

She kicked me in the balls, and then I cried 

Called me a name, said I lied 

Kicked me again and I thought I died 

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Took my clothes, set em' on fire 

And hit me with her curling iron 

I tried to block it with my watch 

And then she kicked me in the crotch . . . again 

Yeah today's the day my wife met my girlfriend 

Well I tried to tell her but she didn't care 

Things weren't what they seemed 

She had a pan on the stove full of boiling water 

And my nads would soon be steamed 

I tried to run, scream for help 

She hit me in the nerts with a Rhinestone belt 

It was like nothing that I ever felt 

I thank god I wasn't wearing a kilt 

She grabbed a bat from beneath the bed 

She swung it once and then she missed my head 

She reared back, swung it again and 

Then she hit me in the twins . . . again 

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Yeah today's the day my wife met my girlfriend 

Yeah today's that awful day, 

Hey, my boys won't be the same 

Yeah today's the day my wife met my girlfriend