Saasholes Lyrics - Razzlekhan

I'm sick and tired of all these SaaSHoles 

Fake motherfuckers, just about growth 

There ain't nothing wrong with monetizing shit 

But a hockey stick won't fix a tiny dick 

Worst part of all 

Dumbest motherfuckers playing know-it-all 

Whoring it up on social media 

They'd sell their kidney for uh Wikipedia 

(I guess B2B really stands for Bullshit 2 Bullshit) 

Doing fake work to pass the time 

Going to conferences, pretending to grind 

Strung out on addies, crackhead; toothless 

Jacking off ta booth babes; their dick's useless 

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Scooters, Scooters 

Riding around with them Apple computers 

Need another big valuation to get more suitors 

Getting chased by dickhead recruiters 

Telecommuters 

Gentrifying the city, like real uprooters 

Laptop bag's got an iPad and other minicomputers 

But they got real cool Scooters 

Scooters, Scooters, Scooters 

(Are you into chastity? I'm not a stalker by the way) 

SaaSHoles, the real assholes 

I'm not talking 'bout no billionaire CEOs 

This song is for all you wantrepreneurs 

And other tech losers (F***ing losers!) 

Talkin bout employee count instead of burn rate 

Buy a lot of hoodies trying to compensate 

Just pour your retirement money down the drain 

No SaaShole's ever gonna make that VC money rain 

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(Wait: how can 30,000 people all be 30 under 30? Uhhhh) 

Propping up decks with fake stats 

Trying to collect all them crypto cats 

Too ratchet for the Capital One Cafe 

Wait, Soylent isn't gourmet? 

(I didn't know MRR stood for Madeup Realistic Regalia?!) 

SaasHoles! 

Dance for VC money, Like a stripper working them poles 

SaasHoles! 

Vanity metrics matching their unrealistic goals 

SaasHoles! 

Avoid those cougars down at the Rosewood glory holes 

SaasHoles! 

They'll eat your money like black holes, black holes, black holes, black holes 

SaasHoles! 

And Don't forget to feed the trolls! You don't know where your money goes 

SaasHoles! 

They're just f***in assholes! Mother f***ing, f***ing SaasHoles 

(I have a pindick, but I really like you) 

SaaSHoles, the real assholes: 

This is what happens when yah give millions to average joes 

(Are you guys seriously out of Jersey Giants? Give me the Dorkins) 

Buying designer chickens like Pharaohs 

Working in a basement with no windows 

Oh no, another Noisebridge overdose! 

Too much heroin: he went comatose! 

(Wake up bro! Wake up!) 

Liz used to generate big cash flows 

Big hockey stick on all her slideshows 

...but THEN: her company implodes 

(Wait, are you talking about Theranos?) 

Well there grandpa's retirement goes 

That blood money really shows 

Now grandpa has to work at Lowe's 

SaasHoles! 

Scooters, Scooters 

Riding around with them Apple computers 

Need another big valuation (SaasHoles!) to get more suitors 

Getting chased by dickhead recruiters 

SaasHoles! 

Telecommuters 

Gentrifying the city, like real uprooters 

Laptop bag's got an iPad (SaasHoles!) and other minicomputers 

(SaasHoles!) 

But they got real cool Scooters 

Scooters, Scooters 

SaasHoles!