The Great Debate Lyrics - Randy Newman

Welcome, welcome, welcome to this great arena 

Durham, North Carolina, the heart of the Research Triangle 

We've come to this particular place tonight 

'Cause we gotta look at things from every angle 

We need some answers to some complicated questions 

If we're going to get it right 

To that end we have here gathered 

Some of the most expensive scientists in the world 

Eminent scientists, that is 

We got biologists, biometricians, got a quantum mechanic and astrophysicians 

We got a cosmologist and a cosmetician, got an astronaut, we got Astro Boy 

We got he-doctors, she-doctors, knee doctors, tree doctors 

We a got a lumberjack and a life coach 

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On the other side, we have the true believers 

We got the Baptists, the Methodists, Presbyterians 

The Episcopalians are here, pass the hat 

We got the Shakers, the Quakers, the anti-innoculators 

The Big Boss Line from Madison Town 

The Six Blind Boys, Five Tons of Joy, give 'em room, get out of the way 

We got a Bible Belter from the Mississippi Delta 

Have them all arranged 

Scientists, are you ready? 

First question: dark matter 

Oh, dark matter 

Give me someone knows somethin' about space 

Nice space music, Georgie 

All right, what is it? Where is it? Can we get some? 

Stand up, sir, would you? You are standing, forgive me 

Dark matter, go ahead 

Photos 

Dark matter is out in space 

It's seventy-five percent of everything 

Just a moment, sir. Do yourself a favor, use our music 

People like it, and your music's making people sick 

All right. It's a free country, go ahead 

Dark matter, what is it? 

We don't know what it is, but we think it's everywhere 

I'd like to take a look at it. Can we get some down here? 

Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! 

Of course not! 

Let me get this straight: you don't know what it is 

You don't know where it is, and we can't get any? 

Put that to the one side 

Let's put the Lord, faith, eternity and whatever on the other side 

Show of hands? 

I'll take Jesus, I'll take Jesus, I'll take Jesus every time 

I'll take Jesus, I'll take Jesus, I'll take Jesus every time 

Yes I will, yes I will, yes I will, yes I will 

I'll take Jesus, I'll take Jesus, I'll take Jesus every time 

All right, one-nothing 

Next one's gonna be a hard one 

It's about the theory of evolution, and it's about animals, also 

So, give me someone knows somethin' about evolution, and animals 

Who you got? 

Wow, you're a beautiful woman, aren't you? 

Doesn't matter, of course, but if this science thing doesn't work out for you 

Don't boo me, don't boo me 

I'm just kiddin' you, you know that 

Here's my question: explain me the giraffe 

Go ahead 

Elaborate? 

With pleasure, miss 

The giraffe, to survive, must eat leaves high up on the Yabba Yabba tree 

That's true, isn't it? 

Of course it is. Everyone knows that! 

But Mr. Darwin's giraffe, the halfway-giraffe, with a halfway-giraffe neck 

Could never have reached the highest branches of the Yabba Yabba 

Therefore, he could not have survived 

It's only common sense 

Unfortunately for you, Mr. Charles Darwin didn't have any common sense 

Evolution is a theory, and we have just now, tonight, disproved it 

Show of hands? 

I'll take Jesus, I'll take Jesus, I'll take Jesus every time 

I'll take Jesus, I'll take Jesus, I'll take Jesus every time 

Yes I will, yes I will, yes I will, yes I will 

I'll take Jesus every time 

All right, two-nothing 

Next question: global warming 

Is it, and if so, so what? 

One of the true believers seeks to be recognized 

Hand him a mic, Charles 

Thank you 

Sir, do you know what you are? 

You're an idiot. You're a strawman, a fabrication 

You see, the author of this little vignette, Mr. Newman 

Self-described atheist and communist, creates characters, like you 

As objects of ridicule 

He doesn't believe anything he has you say 

Nor does he want us to believe anything you say 

Makes it easy for him to knock you down, hence, a strawman 

I, myself, believe in Jesus 

I believe in evolution, also. I believe in global warming, and in life everlasting 

No one can knock me down 

Oh, we can knock you down, Mister 

We can knock your communist friend down, too 

Communist 

You call me an idiot 

We've been knocking people like Mr. Newman down for years and years 

Like this: page 35, Georgie 

Mrs. Dorothy, page 35 

I know someone is watching me 

Everywhere I go 

Someone sees everything I see 

Knows everything I know 

When I'm in trouble, don't have a friend 

There's still somebody on whom I can depend 

Someone who'll be there 'till the very end 

Someone is watching me 

Someone is watching me 

Someone is watching me 

For so long, I was too blind to see 

Someone is watching 

Someone is watching 

Someone is watching me 

Take a little break, ladies and gentlemen 

Fifteen, twenty, twenty-five minutes 

Depending on how the merchandise is moving 

We'll be right back