Trapped In The Closet (chapter 3) Lyrics - R. Kelly

Seven o'clock in the evening 

Watchin' somethin' stupid on TV 

I'm zoned out on the sofa 

When my wife comes in the room and sees me 

And she says, "Is this 'Behind the Music' 

With Lynyrd Skynyrd?" 

And I say, "I don't know, say, it's gettin' late 

What cha wanna do for dinner?" 

She says, "I kinda had a big lunch 

So I'm not super hungry" 

I said, "Well you know, baby 

I'm not starvin' either but I could eat" 

She said, "So what do you have in mind?" 

I said, "I don't know, what about you?" 

She says, "I don't care, if you're hungry let's eat" 

I said, "That's what we're gonna do!" 

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"But first you gotta tell me 

What it is you're hungry for!" 

And she says, "Let me think 

What's left in our refrigerator?" 

I said, "Well, there's tuna, I know" 

She said, "That went bad a week ago!" 

I said, "Is the chili okay?" 

She said, "You finished that yesterday!" 

I hopped up and I said, "I don't know 

Do you want to get something delivered?" 

She's like, "Why would I want to eat liver? 

I don't even like liver!" 

I'm like, "No, I said 'delivered' " 

She's like, "I heard you say liver!" 

I'm like, "I should know what I said" 

She's like, "Whatever, I just don't want any liver!" 

Photos 

Well, I was gonna say something 

But my cell phone started to ring 

Now who could be callin' me? 

Well I checked my caller ID 

It was just cousin Larry callin' 

For the third time today 

My wife said, "Let it go to voicemail" 

I said, "Okay" 

"Where were we? Oh, dinner, right 

So what do you wanna do?" 

She said, "Why don't you whip up somethin' in the kitchen?" 

"Yeah?" I said, "Why don't you?" 

And then she says 

"Baby, can't we just go out to dinner, please?" 

I says no, she says yes, I says no, she says yes 

I says no, she says yes, oh, here's your keys" 

I step a little bit closer 

Say, "Okay, where ya wanna go?" 

She says, "How about The Ivy?" 

I said, "Yeah, well I don't know" 

"I don't feel like, gettin' all dressed up 

And eatin' expensive food" 

She's says, "Olive Garden?" 

I say, "Nah, I'm not in the mood 

"And Burrito King would make me gassy 

There's no doubt" 

She says, "Just forget about it" 

I said, "No, I swear I'm gonna take you out!" 

Then I get an idea 

I say, "I know what we'll do!" 

She says, "What?" I say, "Guess" 

She says, "What?" I say, "We're goin' to the drive-thru!" 

So we head out the front door 

Open the garage door 

Then I open the car doors 

And we get in those car doors 

Put my key in the ignition 

And then I turn it sideways 

Then we fasten our seat belts 

As we pull out the driveway 

Then we drive to the drive-thru 

Heading off to the drive-thru 

We're approaching the drive-thru 

Getting close to the drive-thru 

Almost there at the drive-thru 

Now we're here at the drive thru 

Here in line at the drive-thru 

Did I mention the drive-thru? 

Well, here we are in the drive-thru line 

Me and her 

Cars in front of us, cars in back of us 

All just waiting to order 

There's some idiot in a Volvo 

With his brights on behind me 

I lean out the window and scream 

"Hey, what cha tryin' to do, blind me?" 

My wife says, "Maybe we should park 

We could just go eat inside" 

I said, "I'm wearin' bunny slippers 

So I ain't leavin' this ride" 

Now a woman on a speaker box 

Is sayin', "Can I take your order, please?" 

I said, "Yes indeed, you certainly can 

We'd like two hamburgers with onions and cheese" 

Then my wife says 

"Baby, hold on, I've changed my mind! 

I think I'm gonna have a chicken sandwich 

Instead this time" 

I said, "You always get a cheeseburger!" 

She says, "That's not what I'm hungry for" 

I put my head in my hands and scream 

"I don't know who you are anymore!" 

The voice on the speaker says 

"I don't have all day!" 

I said, "Then take our order 

And we'll be on our way! 

"I wanna get a chicken sandwich 

And I want a cheeseburger too" 

She's like, "You want onions on that?" 

I'm like, "Yeah, I already said that I do" 

"Plus we need curly fries 

And don't you dare forget it 

And two medium root beers 

No, just one, we'll split it" 

Then I said, "I'm guessin' that 

You're probably not too bright 

So read me back my order 

Let's make sure you got it right" 

She says, "One, you want a chicken sandwich 

Two, you want a cheeseburger 

Three, curly fries and a large root beer" 

"Stop, don't go no further!" 

"I never ordered a large root beer 

I said medium, not large!" 

Then she says, "We're havin' a special 

I super-sized you at no charge" 

"Oh" 

And that's all I could say was "oh" 

And she says, "Now there's somethin' else 

That I really think you should know" 

"You can have unlimited refills 

For just a quarter more" 

I say, "Great, except we're in the drive-thru 

So what would I want that for?" 

Then she says, "Wait a minute 

Your voice sounds so familiar, hey, is this Paul? 

And my wife is all like, "No, that ain't Paul 

Now tell me, who's this Paul?" 

She says, "Oh, he's just some guy 

Who goes to school with me 

I sat behind him last year 

And I copied off of him in Geometry" 

I said, "I know a guy named Paul 

He used to be my plumber 

He was prematurely bald 

And he moved to Pittsburgh last summer" 

"He also had bladder problems 

And a really bad infection on his toe" 

And she says, "Mister, please, you can stop right there 

That's way more than I needed to know!" 

And then we both were quiet 

And things got real intense 

And then she says, "Next window please, 

That'll be five dollars and eighty two cents" 

So we inched ahead in line 

Movin' painfully slow 

I got a little bored 

So I turned on the radio 

Click, turned it off 

Because my wife was getting a headache 

So we both just sat there quietly 

For her sake 

Then I looked at her 

And she looked back at me 

And I said, "Um 

I think you have somethin' in your teeth" 

She turned away from me 

And then turned back and said, "Did I get it?" 

I said, "Yeah, well, I mean, most of it 

But hey, ya know, don't sweat it" 

Then she said, "How about now?" 

I said, "Yeah, almost 

There's still a little bit there but don't worry 

It's probably just a piece of toast" 

Now we're at the pay window 

Or whatever you call it 

Put my hand in my pocket 

I can't believe there's no wallet! 

And the lady at the window's like 

"Well well well, that'll be five eighty-two" 

I turn around to my wife and say 

"How much have you got on you?" 

She just rolls her eyes and says 

"I'll pay for this I guess" 

So she reaches into her purse 

And busts out the American Express 

I hand it to the lady 

And she says, "Oh dear 

It's gotta be cash only 

We don't take credit cards here" 

I took back the card and said 

"Gee, really? Well that sucks!" 

And that's when I found out 

My wife was only carryin' three bucks 

I said, "I thought you were 

Going to hit the ATM today" 

She says, "I never got around to it 

So where's your wallet anyway?" 

And I said, "Nevermind 

Just help me to find some change" 

Now the lady at the window 

Is looking at me kinda strange 

And she says, "Mister, please 

We gotta move this line along" 

I said, "Now hold your stinkin' horses lady 

We won't be long" 

So I looked around inside the glove box 

And checked the mat beneath my feet 

I found a nickel in an ashtray 

And a couple pennies and a dime in the space between the seats 

Before long I had a little pile 

Of coins of every sort 

The lady counts it up and says 

"You're still about a dollar short" 

And now my woman's got this weird look 

Frozen on her face 

She screams, "You know 

I wasn't even really hungry in the first place" 

And so I turned around 

To the cashier again 

I shrugged and said, "Okay 

Forget the chicken sandwich then" 

So I pick up my change 

Pick up my receipt 

And I drive to the pickup window 

Man, I just can't wait to eat 

And now we see this acne ridden 

Kid about sixteen 

Wearin' a dorky nametag that says 

"Hello, my name is Eugene" 

And he hands me a paper bag 

I look him in the eyes 

And I say to him "Hey, Eugene 

Could I get some ketchup for my fries?" 

Well he looks at me 

And I look at him 

And he looks at me 

And I look at him 

And he looks at me 

And I look at him 

And he says, "I'm sorry 

What did you want again?" 

I say, "Ketchup!" 

And he says, "Oh yeah, that's right 

I just spaced out there for a second 

I'm really kind of burnt tonight" 

And then he hands me the ketchup 

And then we're finally drivin' away 

And the food is drivin' me mad 

With its intoxicating bouquet 

I'm starvin' to death 

By the time we pull up at the traffic light 

I say, "Baby, gimme that burger 

I just gotta have a bite!" 

So she reaches in the bag 

And pulls out the burger 

And she hands me the burger 

And I pick up the burger 

And then I unwrap the paper 

I bite into those buns 

And I just can't believe it 

They forgot the onions!