I'm A Man Lyrics - Pissed Jeans

hey office lady 

i see you there with your rolodex 

you know what i'm gonna do for you 

i'ma change out this water jug one handed 

but first i'ma spill a few drops into your lap 

and dab them up with this powerful organ in my mouth 

and by that i mean my tongue 

because i'm a man 

and i can tell by my reflection in this duck painting that i look good 

you know what a man does? 

lays his finger to the side of his nose to catch the grease 

then dips that finger into his beer head 

and that head goes down 

yeah i mentioned going down 

you heard of it? 

i just wanna take that packet of pens and spill it on your naked back 

african rain i call that 

where's your boss? 

don't answer that, because he's right here 

i'm pointing at me 

i'm your boss 

get me a coffee and dip your undies in it 

because i like my coffee with a nib of cream 

i'm a man miss office lady 

who's in that picture frame? 

i like kids but i don't like boyfriends 

and i don't like husbands 

you ever been to a zoo and seen the apes? 

you ever seen the apes and thought those hairy abominations 

that hairy one in the corner touching himself with his leather fingers 

that's a man? 

when you think of that, you think of me. 

you take dictations? 

you get it? 

you ever been stapled? 

never mind, we'll get to that 

you cold? 

put on that cardigan you got hanging over your chair 

do it slow. 

pick up that phone and dial S E X F U N 

and guess what 

my belt's gonna vibrate and i'll put you on speaker so you can hear yourself begging 

i'ma pick up the phone saying what am i? 

and you know how you'll answer, a man. 

go ahead and cry if you need to cuz i love being flattered 

yeah lick that envelope 

get that corner real good 

let's refill your stapler 

go on 

get out them post its and write yourself a reminder to thank god for man 

you got too much shit on your desk 

you like foreplay? cuz i don't. 

i like to cut to the chase. 

call a spade a spade. 

i'm a straight shooter. 

i'm a man among men. 

i'll take the milk and the cow. 

that's you, you're the cow. 

i'm easy breezy, gonna measure your entry spot with that ruler you got from the work picnic last summer 

i already know you're a size Q panty hose 

Q for quit talking chubby11 

i hope you know how to cook cuz mother don't wake up till noon 

and by that time i'll be here with you 

refilling your water cooler and watching you suck on that hard candy like you never heard of an innuendo 

so get ready because come five i'll be in the van outside waiting 

rubbing at myself like that ape in his cage 

thinking about your nasty nasty nasty desk 

and so help me 

don't you forget the paperclips.