The Breakfast Conspiracy Lyrics - Singles - Pigface

gonna tell you a story; some kind of a breakfast conspiracy 

breakfast in bed, sir? 

breakfast in bed, sir? 

ah, no thanks, not today 

in fact, I'd far rather be sitting in a distinctly upright position 

so that I may at least have the ghost of a chance to digest 

what I don't mind telling you- is completely inedible slop 

lovingly and habitually prepared and served by 

the thugs and vagabonds who are the so-called staff of this institution 

finished with the menu, sir? 

finished with the menu, sir? 

finished with the menu, sir? 

finished with the menu, sir? 

yes, yes, I shall enjoy soft cakes, toast, tea, scrambled eggs, 

strawberry jam... 

mind you, I can't complain, before I came here I thought 

scrambled eggs were supposed to be brown and crispy at the bottom 

and dull yellow at the top 

my mother, god bless her, cannot boil a fuckin kettle 

without burnin the water inside 

When I came here it's a different story, you know, oh yes, 

a whole different deck of cards... 

scrambled eggs arrive with the consistency of a moth swimming about 

in a foul yellow liquid- I wonder where that came from? 

I would like to put forth my theory, my own inside story, if you will, 

you wanted to know what I think? 

I think that every morning as we sleep 

our beloved kitchen staff gathers around the scrambled eggs 

like some pagan cult offering homage to a false icon 

first, the head chef, the cult leader, ritualistically stands on an 

institutional chair, opens the fly of his 

institutional trousers, pulls out his 

institutional willy, and urinates in our breakfast. 

HA HA HA! 

they're just a bunch of loonies, what do they care? 

half the bloody time they end up throwing it on the floor, 

or worse still, at each other...