Trials & Tribulations Lyrics - Phish

The swiss miss girl made her fortune 

Doing commercials on tv 

But "easy come, easy go" was 

Her philosophy 

She spent all of her money 

She was searching for some cash 

So she went to her friend capt 'n crunch 

Whom she'd met at a hollywood bash 

The second that he saw her 

He said, "i bet you're in need 

Of some dough" 

Perplexed and confused she asked him, 

"oh but captain how did you know? " 

Laughingly he responded, 

"it was really just a lucky hunch" 

With tears in her eyes she pleaded, 

"will you help me out capt 'n crunch? " 

The trials and tribulations 

Of the swiss miss girl 

She's got a famous reputation 

And she's known throughout the world 

But life's no bed of roses 

She would change things if she could 

She plans to make a brand new start 

And move out of hollywood 

The captain now was grinning 

He felt he had her in the palm of his hand 

He said, "darlin' you're a penniless woman 

And I'm a wealthy man" 

You know the rules of the game by now 

I'll scratch your back if you scratch mine 

He said, "let me take you out 

And we'll talk about this 

Over a bottle of wine" 

The swiss miss girl was disgusted 

And she smacked him right in his face 

Then she took his hat 

And she stamped on that 

Just to put him in his place 

But the old man was persistent 

He would not be undaunted 

The more that he'd been taunted 

The more she turned him on 

Then the captain made a pass at the swiss miss girl 

Tryin' to show her his affection 

She screamed for help and when she did... 

Mr. clean came to her protection 

The trials and tribulations 

Of the swiss miss girl 

She's got a famous reputation 

And she's known throughout the world 

But life's no bed of roses 

She would change things if she could 

She plans to make a brand new start 

And move out of hollywood