Talking Plane Disaster Lyrics - Phil Ochs

Well, once I heard some people say, "If you gotta travel 

There's just one way, you gotta leave the ground, gotta go 

Through the air, gotta find a pilot and pay your fare 

You gotta sail through the sky in other words, you gotta fly" 

Yes, statistics show it's the way to go 

Well, it's safer than your car, you know 

It's safer than your home, safer than your street 

About the safes place to put your feet 

Statistics don't lie, but statistics don't die, either 

Well, once I heard Bob Dylan say 

You gotta take a train, it's the only way 

Well, nothin' ever happens to trains at all 

There was just one accident he could recall 

A plane crashed into it 

People flying in all directions, then 

One day when the sky was blue 

I boarded a plane and off we flew 

Looked out the window, insurance in my hand 

Just like Columbus searching searching for land 

Swearin' I'd never fly again, just like the last time 

Then one of the stewardesses ambled by 

And suddenly I wasn't afraid to die 

She brought me coffee, pillows and tea 

Said, "You're as safe as you can be" 

Said there's nothing to worry about 

Then she flew out the door 

Somebody forgot to close right 

The plane kept going higher and higher 

I could swear both the wings were on fire 

So I opened the cockpit door 

And the pilot was layin' on the floor 

With the other stewardess 

She said, "Fly now and pay later" 

Then the plane dropped down about a mile or two 

She lurched about, I swore I was through 

My stomach was heavin' it was tied in a knot 

Little paper bag was all I got 

That's the bag I'm in, pilot said we hit an air pocket 

Must've been a pocket with an awful big hole in it 

Well, at last the trip was near the end 

The airport was comin' round the bend 

But all my anxious eyes could see 

Was a thousand planes in the vicinity 

They was landin' and leavin' and wavin' at each other 

Wing to win and brother to brother 

The pilot was swearin' and swervin' around 

But he said, "Don't worry, we have 

Radar somewhere on the ground" 

I wasn't worried I was crawlin' up the aisle 

Screamin', "Jesus Saves" 

The trip didn't do me too much harm 

But I did spend a year on the happy-farm 

They couldn't understand why I kissed the ground 

Chewed the concrete and swallowed it down 

Sure tasted good like La Guardia dirt should