Stranger In The Mirror Lyrics - Ookla The Mok

It was time to make the doughnuts it was very very early 

It was 2:37 in the afternoon 

I turned off my alarm clock and I stumbled over several 

Pizza boxes and my girlfriend on the way to the bathroom 

While I waiting for the fluorescent lights 

To flicker on I thought I saw in the dark... 

Something was up and I couldn't tell what 

But my mind got the sign there was something to see 

So I shut my eyes to squeeze the image 

Out of the back of my head but I missed my mark 

The lights were on now and I couldn't ignore 

There was a stranger in the mirror and he was staring at me 

CHORUS: 

Don't get me wrong 

I'm not talking about some kind of figurative stranger here 

No existential bullshit from Camus or Billy Joel 

I'm not saying I didn't recognize myself in the mirror 

Or that I didn't like the kind of person I saw 

No I'm talking about an actual literal kind of stranger here 

Like the villain in issue 104 of the Flash 

There was no question this was not your everyday reflection 

This was some middle aged balding Jewish guy and he had a moustache 

There's a stranger in my mirror there's a new face on the wall 

After that Newcastle incident I thought that I'd seen it all 

Things like this are always happening to me 

Well I stood there looking stupid in my twenty-dollar bathrobe 

With my Indicator toothbrush sticking in between my teeth 

My eyes just opened wider when I looked back in the mirror 

And saw the stranger with his toothbrush staring back in disbelief 

Then I ran my finger down the length of the mirror 

To see if the stranger would follow my lead 

Our actions were in perfect synch 

And I wondered just exactly who was in control 

So I grabbed my girlfriend's Lady Bic razor 

And ran it down the length of my face to see if he would bleed 

Blood was flowing from both of our cheeks 

But I couldn't tell whose blood was in my shaving bowl 

CHORUS 

I am young enough to be this old bald fat guy's son 

I've never even met an Arab and I don't even own a gun 

Things like this are always happening to me 

There was that time when the shopping mall devoured my Aunt Sue 

And when my pet canary turned to stone I didn't know what to do 

I scolded my basilisk from behind my mirrored shield 

That was the same week Adrian Veidt removed my intrinsic field 

I had nothing to lose 

So I played the lottery 

It was run by Shirley Jackson 

I said, "Put down those stones," 

Somebody dropped my canary 

I had a friend in a convent 

Nergal said, "Get thee to a nunnery." 

And another friend who stuttered and quoted Lovecraft 

I had a girl in New York City 

They were all killed by the Invunche 

Or the time when I awoke from unsettling dreams 

transformed in my bed into a monstrous vermin 

And those three days each August when my shadow 

is replaced by that of Ethel Merman 

I'd love to tell these stories and I'm sure you like to hear 

But right now I've got to face this stranger in my mirror 

Well it was all quite interesting to have my doppelganger 

But it was getting boring and I had to use the loo 

So I leaned into the mirror and then I leaned a little closer 

And then I leaned a little closer still and quietly said, "Boo!" 

Well the stranger grabbed his chest and heaved and wheezed and choked 

And hemorrhaged and fell on the floor 

I tried to help him but unfortunately I lacked the ability to phase 

Through solid objects like mirrors 

And even if I could I don't know CPR 

So I hit the lights and then quietly walked out the door 

I could wait til tomorrow to shave 

Or maybe I'll just give it up and grow a beard 

Or a moustache like the dead guy who's inside of my mirror 

CHORUS 

There's a dead guy in my mirror there's a dead guy on the floor 

I hope to God that I won't see that dead guy anymore 

Things like this are always happening to me 

If there's a moral to this story 

Then I'd really like to hear what you think it is 

(Tell me the moral tell me the moral 

Tell me the moral tell me the moral) 

Like if there's a stranger in your mirror 

Always know which side of the room is his 

(That's not a moral that's not a moral 

Tell me the moral tell me the moral) 

How about don't ever try to shave while under fluorescent lights 

You know that that's a fact 

(I was hoping you would say something like 

"Nothing in this world is ever as it appears") 

Or don't go frightening bald fat Jewish guys 

If you don't want them having heart attacks 

That's more like it and I guess that concludes 

Our overlength adventures with the man in the mirror