Draft Dodger Rag Lyrics - Ochs Phil

Oh, I'm just a typical American boy from a typical American town 

I believe in God and Senator Dodd and a-keepin' old Castro down 

And when it came my time to serve I knew "better dead than red" 

But when I got to my old draft board, buddy, this is what I said: 

CHORUS 

Sarge, I'm only eighteen, I got a ruptured spleen 

And I always carry a purse 

I got eyes like a bat, and my feet are flat, and my asthma's getting worse 

Yes, think of my career, my sweetheart dear, and my poor old invalid aunt 

Besides, I ain't no fool, I'm a-goin' to school 

And I'm working in a DEE-fense plant 

I've got a dislocated disc and a wracked up back 

I'm allergic to flowers and bugs 

And when the bombshell hits, I get epileptic fits 

And I'm addicted to a thousand drugs 

I got the weakness woes, I can't touch my toes 

I can hardly reach my knees 

And if the enemy came close to me 

I'd probably start to sneeze 

I'm only eighteen, I got a ruptured spleen 

And I always carry a purse 

I got eyes like a bat, and my feet are flat, and my asthma's getting worse 

Yes, think of my career, my sweetheart dear, and my poor old invalid aunt 

Besides, I ain't no fool, I'm a-goin' to school 

And I'm working in a DEE-fense plant 

Ooh, I hate Chou En Lai, and I hope he dies, 

Onething you gotta see 

That someone's gotta go over there 

And that someone isn't me 

So I wish you well, Sarge, give 'em Hell! 

Kill me a thousand or so 

And if you ever get a war without blood and gore 

I'll be the first to go 

Yes, I'm only eighteen, I got a ruptured spleen 

And I always carry a purse 

I got eyes like a bat, and my feet are flat, and my asthma's getting worse 

Yes, think of my career, my sweetheart dear, and my poor old invalid aunt 

Besides, I ain't no fool, I'm a-goin' to school 

And I'm working in a DEE-fense plant