Woman Lose Weight Lyrics - Morcheeba

What a surpriser 

Open your eyes, a 

Woman advisor 

The name of this entertainment is 

Women lose weight 

Our first years of marriage everything was just great 

But after two kids 

And the weight gain factors 

Fact is, now she's completely unattractive 

Look, fat chicks 

I don't mean to sound rude 

I tell her nice, hit the gym 

And don't eat so much food 

But no... 

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"You're shallow 

You need to run the course of unconditional love and so forth" 

But how if desire's not there 

That's just delayment 

Divorces, child support, alimony payments 

My unhappiness I doubt discourage 

So hurry for an easier way out of this marriage 

Meanwhile my secretary June, well groomed 

"When you gonna leave your wife?" 

I tell her soon, mommy, soon, I assume 

Or my destiny is blue 

Interestingly 

The only thing left for me to do is to kill her 

What a surpriser 

Open your eyes, a 

Woman advisor 

I'm gonna have to kill her 

Photos 

Course there's laws which enforces divorces 

Send that ass right to the morgue miss 

Kill her 

What a surprise 

Open your eyes 

Woman advisor 

I'm gonna have to kill her 

Course there's laws which enforces divorces 

Send that ass right to the morgue miss 

My plans against or shenanigans 

Kinda ran thin 

Knowin' nothing about poisoning 

And I cant swim 

Bad intentions pumping 

Might as well become numb 

Cut her lungs or the obvious robbery gone wrong 

But the catch is, do I have the nerve to dispatch this 

Who can I get to help me murder this fat chick 

Guess I'll have to play a dude robbin' on wednesday 

The day she usually goes food shopping 

Anyway, long story short, hit the side of her Chrysler 

Sent her clean over the divider 

"You bastard!" she said as the wreck went tumblin' down the hill 

I thought, "She has to be dead" 

Later on get a call 

(from a) Lieutenant O'Rourke 

(had me) leapin like a frog 

We need you at the morgue 

So I selfishly pursued 

"Boo-hoo" there was nothing else for me to do, I had to kill her 

What a surpriser 

Open your eyes, a 

Woman advisor 

C'mon y'all, you know I had to kill her 

Course there's laws which enforces divorces 

Send that ass right to the morgue miss 

Kill her 

What a surpriser 

Open your eyes, a 

Woman advisor 

I had to kill her 

Course there's laws which enforces divorces 

Send her ass right to the morgue miss 

So you mean to tell me officer you don't have no clue who did this hit and run? 

No sir we don't have no clues right now 

This is terrible, what am I gonna tell the kids? 

Pull yourself together, sir 

I'm so broken up inside, I just can't believe this 

I understand, I understand 

Catch the person who did this 

We're gonna try sir 

Please 

Screamin' "Who done took my heart?" actin' shooken up a lot 

At the funeral, though everyone was lookin at me odd, like I did it 

Like I was the reason my mate's slain, murmuring 

"I heard he was displeased with her weight gain" 

While my secretary, sort of a sexy blonde can't cook 

All she does is order from restaurants 

"All of the sex you want" 

I doubt could address, clothes not washed proper and house look a mess and 

Talkin to detectives that was waitin' outside 

How I took a long lunch break day the wife died 

I darn near turned pale 

And because of betrayal they indicted me, gave me an impossible bail 

Good fortune to anyone admiring the rawtent 

Moral of the story is 

Desire is important 

So watch your weight 

It'll keep you mate smitten it's a given 

Though looking back I realised I didn't have to kill her 

What a surpriser 

Open your eyes, a 

Woman advisor 

I didn't have to kill her 

Course there's laws which enforces divorces 

Send that ass right to the morgue miss 

I killed her 

What a surpriser 

Open your eyes, a 

Woman advisor 

I didn't have to kill her 

Course there's laws which enforces divorces 

Send that ass right to the morgue miss 

Well there you have it 

Keep thin trim 

Keep your marriage healthy 

Do you know what I mean? 

Small message from Morcheeba and Slick Rick the Ruler 

Peace