The Philosophers Song Lyrics - Monty Python

Immanuel Kant was a real pissant 

Who was very rarely stable 

Heidegger, Heidegger was a boozy beggar 

Who could think you under the table 

David Hume could out-consume 

Schopenhauer and Hegel 

And Wittgenstein was a beery swine 

Who was just as sloshed as Schlegel 

There's nothing Nietzche couldn't teach ya 

'Bout the raising of the wrist 

Socrates, himself, was permanently pissed 

John Stuart Mill, of his own free will 

On half a pint of shandy was particularly ill 

Plato, they say, could stick it away 

Half a crate of whiskey every day 

Aristotle, Aristotle was a bugger for the bottle 

Hobbes was fond of his dram 

And Rene Descartes was a drunken fart 

"I drink, therefore I am" 

Yes, Socrates, himself, is particularly missed 

A lovely little thinker 

But a bugger when he's pissed