Beowulf (i Am Deformed) Lyrics - Momus

I have come with my sword Naegling 

And the usual aches and pains 

To defeat Grendel, the monster 

Lately scourge of the Danes 

Showing no mercy in the mead hall 

He laid waste thirty thanes 

In return I will chop off his shoulder 

Then I will deal with his mother 

Where is the disabled loo? 

I'm feeling slightly queasy, woozy 

So would you if you'd had to do 

The things I've had to do 

Slay the good, slay the bad 

Do I have the right to use the disabled loos? 

Did they send the right man from the land of heroes? 

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Stop laughing, I am Beowulf 

I give you my oath, as I was born 

I am Beowulf 

I am the hero coming to save you 

And I am deformed 

Cancer gubbins that hangs at my neck like a turkey throat 

Swaddling leather trussing up a shrivelled belly bloat 

Dangling from my orifice is a puzzling speculum drip 

If you promise not to tell anyone I have a hare lip 

A smoking hole and a very large mole 

My face it slithers, my ears are torn 

Don't laugh, I am deformed 

Stop laughing, I am Beowulf 

I give you my oath, as I was born 

I am Beowulf 

I am the hero coming to save you 

And I am deformed 

Photos 

So go ahead, laugh, you won't be the first 

Richard the Hundredth, the Hunchback laughed 

Henry Dalrymple the simpleton convulsed with mirth 

At this sick rubber joke my bones as they poke out of a hole in my skin 

At this helplessly flailing mutant appalling prosthetic thalydomide limb 

Have a good laugh while you're at it at my schlong 

My metallic foot brace it scratches and drags 

I dribble down a twig 

I twitch along the ground 

My Breugel boots they beggar belief 

I have the stinky shanks of a hound 

My patchy moustache hides a birthmark 

I have come to save Denmark 

Stop laughing ... 

Stop laughing, I am Beowulf 

I give you my oath, as I was born 

I am Beowulf 

I am the hero coming to save you 

I am deformed