Master In The House Lyrics - Les Miserables

Drinkers: 

Come on you old pest 

Fetch a bottle of your best 

What's the nectar of the day? 

[Thenardier enters with a flask of wine.] 

Thenardier 

Here, try this lot 

Guaranteed to hit the spot 

Or I'm not Thenardier 

Drinkers: 

Gissa glass a' rum 

Landlord, over here! 

Thenardier 

[To himself] Right away, you scum 

[To customer] Right away, M'sieur 

Thenardier 

My band of soaks 

My den of dissolutes 

My dirty jokes, my always pissed as newts. 

My sons of whores 

Spend their lives in my inn 

Homing pigeons homing in 

Then fly through my doors 

And their money's as good as yours 

[Thenardier greets a new customer.] 

Thenardier: 

Welcome, M'sieur 

Sit yourself down 

And meet the best 

Innkeeper in town 

As for the rest 

All of 'em crooks 

Rooking their guests 

And cooking the books 

Seldom do you see 

Honest men like me 

A gent of good intent 

Who's content to be 

Master of the house 

Doling out the charm 

Ready with a handshake 

And an open palm 

Tells a saucy tale 

Makes a little stir 

Customers appreciate a bon-viveur 

Glad to do a friend a favor 

Doesn't cost me to be nice 

But nothing gets you nothing 

Everything has got a little price! 

Master of the house 

Keeper of the zoo 

Ready to relieve 'em 

Of a sou or two 

Watering the wine 

Making up the weight 

Pickin' up their knick-knacks 

When they can't see straight 

Everybody loves a landlord 

Everybody's bosom friend 

I do whatever pleases Jesus! 

Won't I bleed 'em in the end! 

Thenardier & Drinkers: 

Master of the house 

Quick to catch yer eye 

Never wants a passerby 

To pass him by 

Servant to the poor 

Butler to the great 

Comforter, philosopher, 

And lifelong mate! 

Everybody's boon companion 

Everybody's chaperone 

Thenardier: 

But lock up your valises 

Jesus! Won't I skin you to the bone! 

[To another new customer...] 

Enter M'sieur 

Lay down your load 

Unlace your boots 

And rest from the road 

This weighs a ton 

Travel's a curse 

But here we strive 

To lighten your purse 

Here the goose is cooked 

Here the fat is fried 

And nothing's overlooked 

Till I'm satisfied 

Food beyond compare 

Food beyond belief 

Mix it in a mincer 

And pretend it's beef 

Kidney of a horse 

Liver of a cat 

Filling up the sausages 

With this and that 

Residents are more than welcome 

Bridal suite is occupied 

Reasonable charges 

Plus some little extras on the side! 

Charge 'em for the lice 

Extra for the mice 

Two percent for looking in the mirror twice 

Here a little slice 

There a little cut 

Three percent for sleeping with the window shut 

When it comes to fixing prices 

There are a lot of tricks he knows 

How it all increases 

All those bits and pieces 

Jesus! It's amazing how it grows! 

Thenardier & Chorus: 

Master of the house 

Quick to catch yer eye 

Never wants a passerby 

To pass him by 

Servant to the poor 

Butler to the great 

Comforter, philosopher, 

And lifelong mate! 

Everybody's boon companion 

Gives 'em everything he's got 

Thenardier 

Dirty bunch of geezers 

Jesus! What a sorry little lot! 

Mme. Thenardier: 

I used to dream 

That I would meet a prince 

But God Almighty, 

Have you seen what's happened since? 

Master of the house? 

Isn't worth me spit! 

`Comforter, philosopher' 

- and lifelong shit! 

Cunning little brain 

Regular Voltaire 

Thinks he's quite a lover 

But there's not much there 

What a cruel trick of nature 

Landed me with such a louse 

God knows how I've lasted 

Living with this bastard in the house! 

Thenardier & Drinkers: 

Master of the house! 

Mme. Thenardier: 

Master and a half! 

Thenardier & Drinkers: 

Comforter, philosopher 

Mme. Thenardier: 

Don't make me laugh! 

Thenardier & Drinkers: 

Servant to the poor 

Butler to the great 

Mme. Thenardier: 

Hypocrite and toady 

And inebriate! 

Thenardier & Drinkers: 

Everybody bless the landlord! 

Everybody bless his spouse! 

Thenardier: 

Everybody raise a glass! 

Mme. Thenardier: 

Raise it up the master's ass! 

All: 

Everybody raise a glass to the master of the house!