A Letter To Shania Twain Lyrics - A Very Larry Xmas - Larry The Cable Guy

Last Christmas I went up, Niceville 

For a little vacation, and boy I love Shania Twain 

Boy I tell you what, oh she makes me hornier 

Than a retard watchin' baywatch 

But anyway I read her letter in the hotel room 

I had one of these nice fancy hotels 

So I tried to seduce her and sent her this letter 

This is my letter to Shania and she actually got this letter 

Dear Shania, you're finer than hell, I'd eat your turds 

You think I'm kiddin', I figured that charmer off the bat 

I'd treat you like a prize winnin' hog 

And give you the run of my home estate where I live down here 

Off the alagator infested lake, tell you what 

They caught a big oh sixteen foot long gator 

In that lake by me, dats right, we're talkin' world record gator 

Tell me now you ain't got hard nipples, from our home stay 

Tell you what Shania, I ain't like them Niceville pussys 

I'd treat you all the best things life had to offer 

Please call me, here, I'm stayin' at the Chugg-A-Lugg Inn 

Across from that big muffler joint 

Boy I got me one of them wigglin' beds 

I tell you what if you want one I'll sperge 

And borrow you a couple of quarters, fifty cents will give you 

Almost 10 mintues of bed wigglin', you know vibratin' 

To let you know I mean business, Shania 

'Bout datin' you know and to let ya know that 

I ain't know lowlie hard up scumball 

I even closed a couple of gifts in this fancy 

Chugg-A-Lugg Inn Hotel envolope 

Thats right there's a bunch of coupons 

For that fancy Longjohn service restroom down the street 

And let me tell you sumethin' and if don't ever use that one coupon 

That's in there for extra Hushpuppies 

Send that son of a bitch back 'cause I might give that to my sister 

And her husband for their anniversary 

There's also a Reggan bumper sticker in there 

And a bunch of gritch and tits to get her done lick on tattoos 

I had a made up special, I think your fine, now call me 

Don't call out tell one o'clock though 

'Cause I'm usually on the phone 

Talkin' to one of them 900 talk dirty girls 

Love in Christ 

Larry the cable guy