The Celestial Shuttle Lyrics - John Wesley Harding

Not long ago I went through the gate of dreams 

I came to the famous City of Destruction 

Where now a shuttle runs to the Emerald City 

With air miles and big group reductions 

So I went to the ticket office where Evangelist sat 

And reserved seats through credit card calls 

I said ' How does it feel now they changed your job?' 

He said 'Now I don't feel anything at all' 

As we moved off I looked down on the Myre of Despair 

From a bridge that passed a thousand miles above 

Its legs were made of books that they'd thrown into the mud 

And the books were of philosophy and love 

As we reached the Hill of Difficulty, we waited for a climb 

They'd dug a tunnel through the center of the stone 

And with the excess rock, well the valley became landfill 

Where once you'd had to walk down there alone 

All aboard, all aboard the Celestial Shuttle 

For a journey free of care, for a journey free of trouble 

All aboard, all aboard the Celestial Shuttle 

For all those who seek the truth but don't have the time to get there 

Don't have the time to get there 

The train ride felt so smooth that I put my feet up 

Barely noticing the motion of the carriage 

The stewardess was Prudence with her sister Charity 

For fifteen grand they'd sell their hands in marriage 

And just as we were entering the Valley of Death 

I expected to be plunged into the darkness 

But the company had floodlit the underground gloom 

Taken care not to make this place seem joyless 

All aboard, all aboard the Celestial Shuttle 

For a journey free of care, for a journey free of trouble 

All aboard, all aboard the Celestial Shuttle 

For all those with the money, just tender up the fare 

Just tender up the fare 

It looked like we stopped at the mouth of Hell itself 

But they said it was a now-extinct volcano 

And if you'd seen the demons seemed to emanate from there 

You'd have taken the guidebook at its say so 

But some of my companions they would not get back in 

They'd heard that heaven it was vastly over-rated 

The weather here was warmer, and drinking was allowed 

And they thought they'd see us come back here much later 

All aboard, all aboard the Celestial Shuttle 

For a journey free of care, for a journey free of trouble 

All aboard, all aboard the Celestial Shuttle 

You could be home by now, if you lived there 

If you lived there 

After boarding no new passengers we went upon our way 

Past the place where Pope and Pagan ruled with terror 

But now the giant Scientology had eaten them for breakfast 

And bought all the property around her 

At a city called Vanity we stayed for the night 

Where one's every whim was catered for and sated 

The shuttle brought prosperity and business in its wake 

And an attitude that never gets outdated 

So all aboard, all aboard the Celestial Shuttle 

For a journey free of care, for a journey free of trouble 

All aboard, all aboard the Celestial Shuttle 

For all those seeing double, just tender up the fare 

Just tender up the fare 

So Charming was the city with its profitable fair 

The inhabitants claimed it was the only heaven 

And said that only dreamers ever venture beyond its gates 

And go to that land of Never-Never 

And in this city an education came without a school 

The shops sold one alongside praise and honor 

Reputations and honour went on sale at the fair 

And conscience could buy almost any of them 

All aboard, all aboard the Celestial Shuttle 

For a journey free of care, for a journey free of trouble 

All aboard, all aboard the Celestial Shuttle 

The most efficient way to go, it's the best way to get there 

It's the best way to get there 

And I stayed in the city, til I became like those 

Who lived there and abandoned their old questions 

Til I saw some pilgrims who'd walked the journey's length 

Standing at the edge of its dimensions 

'Friend let me tell you' said the Speaker to my ear 

'The whole concept of the shuttle is a Bubble 

You can pay the fare and travel for the rest of your life 

You'll never get anywhere but trouble 

Cos the train is only progress and it isn't a roundtrip 

And just in case the whole thing should explode 

The Lord of the Good City he will never let you in 

And he grants no kind of permit to the railroad' 

I got back on the train and my companions they were few 

My hopes with the suburbs disappearing 

We saw the Silver Mine and the Castle of Despair 

And we saw our destination it was nearing 

Saw the gates of that fair city, beyond a river lay 

A blinding light shone from the other side 

A ferry boat was waiting to carry us over 

It was built of paper and everybody died 

All aboard, all aboard the Celestial Shuttle 

For a journey free of care, for a journey free of trouble 

All aboard, all aboard the Celestial Shuttle 

For all those who want the truth but have no time to get there 

All aboard, all aboard the Celestial Shuttle 

Just say what you've got, we'll sell you a fare 

All aboard, all aboard the Celestial Shuttle 

We'll look after you so good that you won't wanna get there 

You won't wanna get there