How Much Tequila Lyrics - John Prine

How much tequila did I drink last night? 

It's really anybody's guess 

I poured them so fast 

I couldn't keep them in the glass 

But this morning I sure am a mess 

My head is four or five times its normal size 

And I got this big old cactus stuck between my eyes 

I can't recall a single thing I did or said 

Or the names of all these people sleeping in this bed 

Tell me how, tell me how, tell me how, tell me how 

Tell me how much tequila did I drink last night? 

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How did I get these cuts and bruises all over my body? 

I must have fallen down somehow 

I believe it had something to do with karate 

It's all coming back to me now 

I was standing in a bar with King Kong's cousin 

He must have been seven foot three 

His elbow gave me a bump, and so I said, "Hey, chump 

Would you like to step outside with me?" 

Tell me how, tell me how, tell me how, tell me how 

Tell me how much tequila did I drink last night? 

My mouth is filled with cotton and my brain is sore 

I left last night's dinner on this morning's floor 

My stomach is swollen and my eyeballs shrunk 

I drank so much that my hair got drunk 

I see a big old worm about ten feet long 

Hallucinating purple cows 

Somebody moved the furniture while I was gone 

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Uh oh, this is not my house 

I could call us a taxi on the telephone 

If I only knew where we are 

I guess I'm gonna have to drive myself back home 

As soon as I can find the car 

Tell me how, tell me how, tell me how, tell me how 

Tell me how much tequila did I drink last night?