No Anchovies Please Lyrics - Singles - J. Geils Band

This is the story of a young couple in Portland, Maine 

While waiting for her husband Don 

To return home from work, she reaches for a can of anchovies 

As she spreads the tiny fish across a piece of lettuce 

She notices a small note at the bottom of the can 

Written on it is a telephone number 

Curious, she dials, and is told, "Don't move, lady, we'll be right over" 

Placing the phone back on the hook, she turns 

To see three smartly dressed men standing in her kitchen doorway 

Before she realizes what is happening to her 

She is rolled tightly in long sheets of cellophane 

Transported to an international airport and placed on a waiting jet-liner 

All this being too much for her to comprehend, she passes out 

Upon awakening, she finds herself in a strange, foreign speaking nation 

'Dalas nekcihc dna tihs nekcihc neewteb 

Ecnereffid eht wonk ot suineg a ekat t'nseod ti' 

Alone, fearing her escape impossible 

She seeks comfort in the arms of a confidential agent 

With the trace of her kiss still warm upon his lips 

He betrays her to the hands of three scientists 

Who are engaged in diabolical, avant-garde experiments previously 

Performed only on insects and other small, meaningless creatures 

Using her as their subject, they are delighted with the results 

For the first time, a human being is transformed into a, shh, top secret 

Meanwhile, back in Portland, Maine 

Her husband Don, now chain-smoking 40 packs of cigarettes a day 

Sits at a local bar and has a few beers with the regulars 

Bored, everyone's attention turns to the television set 

That just hangs from the wall, welcome to bowling for dollars 

Suddenly, crazy Al says 

"S-say, Don, there sure is something familiar about that bowling ball" 

To which the terrified Don replies 

"Oh my God! That bowling ball, it's my wife!" 

And the lesson we learn from this story is 

Next time you place your order 

don't forget to say, "No anchovies please"